A Little 911 Music

It has been month since my last blog. My how time flies! I do have more blogs almost ready to post, but this one was just too funny to me. Did you hear about Bernadette Music, the woman from Ohio who got drunk and called 911 for a date? You read that last line correctly. In fact, she called at least four times and tied up lines for twenty minutes. I am attaching the news clip that I saw on the news last week when it was reported. I do not watch the news as often as I would like, but it is always nice to catch little gems like this report. I saw another video that said she would not answer the door when police arrived after the calls and when she did she urinated in the hallway. Classy.

I am certainly not one to snipe at anyone else for doing something stupid when you have too much to drink, but let's call a spade a spade, or in this case, a moron. One of my favorite highlights from the video is her boyfriend, who is pictured briefly in the "looking out the window" shot. I guess he was not around on that fateful night she called the local 911 party line. Others include her oddly shaped nose, bleach blonde hair and zebra striped bra. God bless the ABC editor who got a shot of her swigging from her two liter bottle of Big K Diet Soda. Hope you enjoy the video. More blogs to come soon

Groundhog Day

I noticed this critter behind my house one day when I was going to fill my water jug to water the plants I have on my back porch. I walked through my backyard and stopped short just around the corner. I did not recognize the little guy and he seemed to have the same reaction. He stood up on his hind legs and we stared at each other for a few seconds. At the time I was not sure what kind of critter he was, and he obviously did not recognize my species from the many other creatures in the woods behind my house. This staring contest lasted only a few seconds before he scampered away under the fence. This was the first time I saw him and I thought it would be a one time event. It turns out that this critter, which I now know is a groundhog, has made my backyard a playground.

I see him all the time now. He seems to like the area beside my house and will duck his head out from under the fence to make sure the coast is clear before he comes out. I was able to snap one picture of him from my spare bedroom before he ducked back under the fence. Not a great picture, but I doubt he and I will be driving down the road like Bill Murray and Punxatawney Phil anytime soon, so this will have to do. Can you even imagine? Me and Phil's Oklahoma cousin cruising down the open road.

Speaking of, the movie Groundhog Day is one of my favorites, which makes it even weirder to me that I did not know what kind of animal this was the first time I saw it. To tell you the truth, I think this is the only time I have ever seen one in person. Every other time has been that movie or when the real Phil comes out to forecast the coming of Spring. I knew it was far too big to be a prairie dog. The lack of tail and the continent we live on helped me to rule out nutria as well. I really did think it might be a nutria. What was I thinking? I was talking about it at work one day and someone said "it might be a groundhog." Novel idea, huh? I googled some groundhog pictures and quickly realized that was what I was dealing with.

If I get some more pictures I will post them. I guess I should come up a fancy name for him too. Tahlequah Tom? Tahlequah Teddy? Cherokee Charlie? Time will tell.

Flux Capacitor

I wish I was handy. I think we all know someone who is the ultimate handy man. I have many in my family, but that is certainly one of my recessive genes. All the men in my family seem to be good at fixing, remodeling, and working through any major or minor home repairs. I suppose the case could be made that we are all pretty handy judging by the gifts we hand make and exchange at our family Christmas every year. Home made gifts are one thing, remodeling your master bathroom like my cousin Jake is another. If our family members were TV characters, Jake would be MacGyver. I would probably be more like Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor or a cartoon character with no opposable thumbs. Seriously, Jake remodeled he and Kristi's bathroom and it is awesome.

Regardless of whether I can actually fix anything or not, I wish I knew the lingo to make it sound like I did. My air conditioning recently went out so I called my landlord and he had someone out the next day to fix it. He called me to let me know it was fixed and that the _________ had gone out. Wondering why that last sentence had a blank? Me too. He told me what part went out and was subsequently replaced, but I of course deleted that vital bit of information from my brain. I mentioned to DeWayne that my air conditioning was working again later that day at work. Of course he responded with "what was wrong with it?" Knowing this question was probably on the horizon, I prepared my standard answer. "Flux capacitor."

Many of you may realize that the only machine that uses a flux capacitor is the time traveling DeLorean from Back to the Future. I may not know much, but I know nothing I am in contact with on a day to day basis is fueled by plutonium. I do know that aside from getting my oil changed, replacing a fuse or anything to do with my alternator, all other car problems have to do with the flux capacitor. Computer crashed? Flux capacitor. Water heater out? Flux capacitor. Problems with appliances, lawnmowers and all things electronic? Flux capacitor.

Will I ever gain some handy man knowledge? Survey says........probably not. Let's face it, I am almost 30 and soaking up new knowledge from a topic I really do not care that much about it unlikely. Maybe I am wrong. I doubt I will ever replace the motor in my car, but perhaps I will learn to grout and tile a bathroom someday. I guess time will tell. Until then, the flux capacitor specialists will continue to be a phone call away.

A Room with a View

I have spent the 4th of July in many places over my 29 years, but I just do not think any will ever compare to the collective years when I spent my 4th's on Main Street in Panhandle. I cannot recall ever having a bad time at any 4th of July, but the ones spent in Panhandle are certainly closest to my heart.

For those of you who have never been to the 4th of July festivities in Panhandle, you really should plan a trip for next year. I try to be there at least every other year. If you are planning to come next year and are not able to drive, you can fly into Amarillo International airport and I will pick you up. Two start accommodations can be found at the Double N Motel, nestled between the Dairy Queen and the always open, but ever name changing mexican restaurant. No need for a wake up call, as you will be gently greeted in the morning by a few rays of sunshine and a 50 mph hour locomotive which runs behind the hotel. It is delightful. The Texan Motel, a Panhandle legacy, is the other option. It is located just off Main Street. This is an older establishment, but just as charming. A few of the rooms have bathrooms, but the rest share a community restroom. If you feel like stepping back into your college dorm days then this is definitely the place for you.

The 4th of July celebration day is always a great time in Panhandle. The day starts with a parade down Main Street. To tell you the truth, I have not seen the parade in years. We have a 1973 Volkswagon Bug that we always drive in the parade, so anytime I am home I am in the parade. Pretty much anyone can be in the parade. If you have a farm implement, you can be in the parade. If you have a classic car or just one you think is "classic", you can be in the parade. If you decorate a golf cart with streamers and other red white and blue paraphernalia, you can be in the parade and possibly win a prize. And if you drive a comically small car and wear a fez atop your head, you too can be in the parade.

The parade ends at the court house where a multitude of foods are ready to wreak havoc on your cholesterol. Funnel cakes, turkey legs, corn dogs, and almost anything else you can fry. Mostly fair food, but all the good kinds. Not even Templeton the rat could resist this veritable smorgasbord.

Then the show begins. The variety of acts at the courthouse is what makes the all day affair so enticing. Who can resist a little Miss and Mister contest? Well, it is shockingly easy for someone without kids. At some point the ill prepared, but well meaning, junior high and high school cheerleaders will perform, which always gets the crowd going. Several other acts come and go each year, but only one performance that occurs at 3:00 p.m. really packs the courthouse lawn. This particular group is made fun of and quietly heckled until their flurry of feet hit the stage. The Amarillo Cloggers are always the biggest attraction to be seen at the Panhandle 4th of July celebration. As much as well all make fun of them leading up to their performance, we all seem to gather on the lawn just in time to see them perform.

Not all of the action takes place on the courthouse lawn. This brings me to the title of this blog. My dad Leslie's cousin Hal has an office on Main Street, just a few blocks south of the courthouse. One day a year this becomes The Viewing Room. My parents, Hal, his wife and lots of their friends gather and watch the parade from the lawn chairs they tote inside. This allows them to enjoy the parade with air conditioning.......and adult beverages that might be frowned upon while kids are gathering candy on Main Street. Mimosas and Bloody Mary's flow while they watch from what can only be described as a two way mirror. The front of Hal's office is floor to ceiling glass that is mirrored on the street side. People constantly stop and check themselves in the "mirror," even more so on a busy day like the 4th. I made it back down to the viewing room just after the parade ended last year. Lots of people are still out on the street making their way down to the courthouse. No one seems to realize that someone might be on the other side of the glass. We saw people check their hair, pop a zit, have an argument with each other and even pick their nose. It is amazing what people will do when they think no one is looking. When the nose picker stopped by we all stopped talking and stared. She checked herself in the mirror first, lifting her head a little and flaring her nostrils. Nothing seemed to be there on our side. She checked to her left and then her right. Then she raised her finger and started mining. We collectively said "Ohhhhh" and roared with laughter. Apparently the mirror was not sound proof as she quickly realized someone might be on the other side of the glass. She put her hand back in her pocket, tucked her tail between her legs and quickly walked away leaving us with fading laughter and a great 4th of July story.

It turns out that Hal may move his office to his home, so this year may have been the last 4th of July viewing. Hopefully this is mere conjecture and not the ugly truth. I know each of you reading hopes we can meet next year on Main Street in Panhandle. Bring your chairs and your favorite cocktails and we will enjoy the air conditioning and good company from a room with a view.

Likes and Dislikes

This is totally random, but I have been thinking a lot lately about little things that I like and dislike. Nothing that brings me great joy or distress, but things that make me smile or cringe a little. Just everyday things that other people probably do not even notice.

Likes:

For some reason I really like the "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter" commercial with Megan Mullally. They have been running for several months. She is dancing in a supermarket aisle while singing about butter to the tune of "Turn the beat Around." I think one of the lyrics goes "turn the tub around, talkin' bout nutrition." I know, hilarious.

My "Oh snap" button. Some of you may have read a blog a few days ago about my "oh snap" button. Picture this. I am sitting alone in my house and someone on tv says something snarky or sarcastic to another person and I reach over and tap the button and Raven Symone says "Oh snap!" I'm not sure what amuses me more, her voice or when I think to myself, "well said Raven."

Tyler Perry movies. I just cannot explain it. Most of the movies have decent stories that have happy endings with good morals winning over bad behavior. I also really appreciate the faith that is on display in every movie. No one shies away from talking about God. Most movies have several scenes in the church and a whole lot of great gospel music.

Waking up five minutes before my alarm. It does not get better than this!

Jimmy Fallon's laugh. Dana recently got me watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. He is a genuine laugher. He also laughs and snickers at his own jokes. As someone who also laughs at his own jokes, I can appreciate that. He is genuinely goofy.

David Letterman. I'm team Letterman.

Saturday morning Bloody Mary's. Even better when with friends or family. Margaret and I have shared many bloody mary's with the folks at Cheddars. And for those of you who are not aware, my parents have the best bloody mary recipe. Saturday morning is always good when I go home!

Dislikes:

For some reason it really irks me when people use the word "vacay." As in "I need a vacay" or "I just got back from vacay." I know we live in a busy world but is shortening the word vacation really necessary? Unlikely.

Facebook applications. I do not want to help tend your farm, sign your yearbook, start a mafia war, meet you in Treasure Isle or Bedazzle anything. Thank you for the suggestion, but I respectfully click ignore.

Not putting your cart in the cart stall when you come out of a store like Wal-Mart or Target. I know they have people out there to bring the carts in, but they are paid to bring them in from the cart stalls. You took the cart out of the store, at least take it back to the stall.

Jay Leno. Again, I'm team Letterman.

LOL. You will never see me text or email LOL. I have no beef with people that do, but I am not a fan.

I'm sure I could think of many more, and probably will just after I post this. That is why I like the edit button.

E.M.W.F.

I had a new experience this last weekend. For those of you who do not know, I lived in Las Vegas for a year. For those of you who have been to Las Vegas, you know the shows at the casinos are amazing. I have been to a few and have only good things to say. I saw Celine Dion and the Second City Improv when Sara came to visit and went to Tony and Tina's wedding when Lauren came. I saw countless bands perform at a number of casinos and enjoyed several dueling piano bars around town. That being said, I have never seen a show like the one I saw last Saturday at the Creek Nation Casino in Muskogee.

E.M.W.F stands for Extreme Midget Wrestling Federation. That's right folks, I saw Midget Wrestlers! It..........was.........awesome! It deserved every pause in the last sentence!

I went last Friday night to Boomerang Diner here in Tahlequah to get a burger to go. While waiting for my order I picked up the latest copy of The Current, which is a local monthly magazine that outlines everything going on in our area, be it music, theater or in this case, wrestling. The second page was a full page ad for the Creek Nation Casino in Muskogee. It listed several events going on over the next couple of months, but one caught my eye. I had never heard of midget wrestling, let alone the "extreme" kind, but it certainly peaked my interest. The more I thought about it, the more I decided that this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I had to go. And go I did!

The advertisement stated that the cost to get in the door was $10. It turns out that the event was free when I got there, which prompted me to quietly exclaim "jackpot!" It is turns out their was no door to the event. The wrestling match was being held under a big white tent in the parking lot out back. It reminded me of an old fashioned Southern Baptist tent revival with the exception of the drinking, smoking and cussing.

I was a little late getting to the casino, but made it in time for the first match. I was not able to take any pictures because it was a casino event. I was sitting far back enough that any pictures I could take with my cell phone would not be of any use anyway. The pictures included in this blog are from the EMWF website. These are the exact midget wrestlers that I saw on the tour.

If the midget wrestling were not enough, the sights and sounds from the entire event were well worth the twenty mile trek over to Muskogee. I was surprised at the number of women at the wrestling match. Women far out numbered the men who attended. The couple that sat in front of me seemed to be your average couple. He was sort of a want-a-be cowboy and she was your average girl next door, until she got a couple of drinks in her. Well, the beers began to course through "the girl next door" and the Oklahoma redneck that lived inside was unleashed. Her butterfly tramp stamp peaked out from below her shirt and here hot pink thong came out to say hello from above her jeans. She whipped out the Marlboro lights and began an intravenous line of Bud Light. Not five minutes later she belted out the first of many, "kick his ass Oklahoma!" Most of the midget wrestlers identified themselves with an origin of state. In one match, a midget from Oregon took on a midget from New York. Oregon played it cool and talked about how much he liked Oklahoma. New York chose to play it, uh, differently. Of course he got lots of boos, but all in the spirit of wrestling. The girl next door really seemed to like Oregon, and voiced it aloud many times over.

The midgets did a lot of trash talking. Some of it was directed at each other and some of it was directed at the audience. "I'm the sexiest piece of midget meat you'll ever see" was probably the best one directed at the audience. The midget from Texas was wrestling the midget from Arkansas and said to him, "when it's all over you're gonna be squealing like a pig." This led me to believe that he knew the movie Deliverance pertained to Arkansas, but perhaps not in which way. Regardless, the crowd was going nuts for anything the midgets said.

Midget wrestling was worth every $4 beer I drank! I saw camouflage, boots, cowboy hats, halter tops, muffin tops, tanks tops, bra straps, bandannas, thongs, beer drinking, smoking, chewing, spitting, trash talking, yelling, cussing and midgets. What else could you ask for? Oh wait, sexy midget woman who announce each round. Now that's a Saturday night!

The View from my Soapbox

I consider myself a pretty opinionated person. Most of the time I have a pretty "black and white" opinion on matters regardless of whether the matter is indeed black and white. However, most of the time I do not wield these opinions like a political pundit on Real Time with Bill Maher and rarely do I verbalize as well as someone like Julia Sugarbaker "terminating" her adversary on Designing Women. Yes, I did just reference Designing Women. I read an article on the life of Dixie Carter the other day and it got me thinking about "righting wrongs" in reference to this blog.

My mom has said to me several times over the past couple of years that she has "mellowed." This is in reference to getting "fired up" over a wrong doing or injustice, or just something small that generally ticks you off. Anytime I get fired up about something now, she says, "Don't sweat it. You'll mellow out like me one of these days." And while I certainly agree that Mom has mellowed in recent years, she can still breathe fire when she needs to. This leads me to believe that I may not yet have hit the apex on my bell curve of getting fired up.

I recently went in to Hollywood Video here in Tahlequah. As many of you may have read, Hollywood Video and its parent company, Movie Gallery, are going out of business. I think some of the Movie Gallery stores are staying open, but all of the Hollywood Video stores are closing. We have one of each in town and they are both closing. The air conditioning was out in the Hollywood Video store when I first went, so the store was closed that day. I went back a week and a half later because I noticed the doors were open and was shocked to find out that the air conditioning was still not running but people were working. It was over 90 degrees outside with humidity that made it feel hotter. Apparently the A/C was too expensive to fix, so it was not going to be. What? That is ridiculous! I decided when I got home that I would send Hollywood Video an email regarding the treatment of its employees. Below is the email I sent.

Treatment of employees

I recently visited your store location in Tahlequah, OK where I live. I know the store is going out of business, which is a terrible thing. I have worked in a store that went out of business before and I know certain concessions tend to be made when one is going out of business. The air conditioning went out at this location over a week ago. My concern is not for the customers who come in and out from the comfort of their air conditioned vehicles, but for your employees who are doing their best with a terrible situation. I know first hand that air conditioning is very expensive, especially a commercial unit. However, other options are available. Renting a refrigerated air unit might be one. In some cases you may have no where else to sell the merchandise, but your parent company, Movie Gallery has a store in town that is also going out of business. Could the merchandise there not be moved to the other location for liquidation? I understand that this is a tough time and costs for a location that is closing need to be kept to a minimum, but when it comes to the safety of your employees accommodations must be made. The team you have in your store is doing the best with the situation they have been dealt. I urge you to do something quickly, as the temperatures here have reached 91 degrees with humidity outside that makes it feel closer to 100 degrees. Please have the same allegiance to your store team that they are obviously showing to you.

This is definitely not "righting a wrong," but it did make me feel like I was taking action. It made me feel like I was not "an indecisive little bitch." Whoa, where did that come from? I was on a road trip with Erin and Dana from Vegas to L.A. a few years ago. When I continued to say "I don't care" when asked about where we should eat, go or stay, I was criticized and called "an indecisive little bitch." This has since become what we call each other when a decision is not made in a timely manner. I know, it's classy.

This is not the first time I have sent a disgruntled email to a company. I had a bad experience with Domino's when I lived in Las Vegas and sent an email to their home office while at work the next day. Erin still sends this to me every so often in an email that says "look what I found!" Below is a copy of the email I sent to Domino's.

Dirty Domino's

I was very dissatisfied with my phone service when I placed an order last night. I understand how busy a place can be. I work in retail and I also used to work in a pizza place. I actually called back to cancel the order after I was hung up on during ordering. I have long been a domino's claimer. My parents both worked nights there when they first married and my dad was still in school. I had a crib in the backroom for crying out loud! I was definitely brought up loving domino's. I know that this store is in Las Vegas/Henderson, and this city is just chock full of jerks, but a little hospitality would go a long way. Anyway, I guess the point that I am trying to get across is that if the customer service is bad enough for me to actually call back and cancel my order then something needs to be fixed. Thanks again for all the wonderful pizzas. You have not lost a customer, but gained a valuable barometer of customer service. If you would like any tips on proper phone etiquette please let me know. I obviously have a little extra time on my hands.

Obviously this email was a little more amusing than the first. I actually received a response from this one, which is more than I can say for Hollywood Video. Domino's called me about my email and offered to pay for the order I was going to place the night before. They said they would credit it to my phone number so that when I called it would automatically allow me to get the order for free. Cool huh? Of course when I called that same night nothing was "saved to my phone number." Oh well, at least I got my point across, or at the very least gave some people at Domino's a laugh.

I have been watching the series "What Would You Do?" on ABC and it has had me thinking about what I would do in different situations. In the situations above I reacted, but their have been times in the past when a situation arose that should have elicited a reaction and did not. I know we can probably all say this is true, but I would like to think that watching the show has at least made me realize that it is okay to react when you think someone is being treated unfairly. Reacting to a situation is a good thing! Eviscerating someone with your words, maybe not so much. This afternoon I had a vendor call that had previously serviced the store before B&N took over the account last year. She explained to me that the store had signed up for a 24 month listing in the white pages a year ago, and paid for the first 12 months. Now of course, as the new white pages are being distributed, they want to receive payment for the next 12 months. I explained the situation and the woman said she understood. She then told me she would be sending me a bill for the remaining balance. That led me to believe that she did not understand. We went back and forth for a minute or so. I was kind of high on a 6 Hour Energy shot I had taken earlier, so I finally said "Look, I didn't order the listing, so I'm not paying for the listing. You can send a bill, but you will get it back in the mail with a handwritten note that says I didn't order the listing, so I'm not paying for the listing." She quickly thanked me and hung up. I usually have a little more tact than that, but the 6 Hour Energy Shot had me feeling good!

So that is the view on a few things from my soapbox. You may not agree, but thanks for reading. The words of my Dirty Domino's email ring true again. "I obviously have a little extra time on my hands."