WIZARD!

This is a picture of a gift shop we passed three or four times a day while we were vacationing in Orlando. It became a thing for Brian or I to be the first to yell out "Wiiiizzzzaaaarrrrdddd!" I'm not really sure why this is funny, but it made us laugh harder and harder each time. In fact, it became a thing every time we saw a wizard hat, which is pretty common in Orlando. Gift shop.....wizard! Pointed hat...... wizard! Awkward pause in the conversation........wizard!

Orlando

I flew out to Orlando this past Friday for a few days vacation before my company's annual meeting which starts Tuesday. I have come early the past couple of years and stayed in Daytona Beach with a large group of other store managers. This year brought us a smaller group and a change of venue. Lauren, Brian, Dana and I are staying in a time share in Orlando courtesy of Lauren's mom. Thanks Diane!

Friday was more of an eventful day than originally intended. For starters, I missed my first flight out of Tulsa. I checked my itinerary twice before I went to bed Thursday night and my flight was scheduled to leave at 7:05 am. I got up at 4 and was out the door at 4:35. It takes an hour and fifteen minutes to get to the airport in Tulsa from Tahlequah. Factor in the walk from the parking lot and I was checking in a couple of minutes before 6 am. The automated machine was taking forever to check me in, so I had to get some help from the person at the counter. Am I the only one who hates those things? Why can I not just check in with the person behind the counter like we did in the good old days? Instead we have to check in with a computer while we listen to the attendants behind the counter talk about anything but me getting my bag checked. Turns out my itinerary was incorrect. It showed me leaving at 7:05, but my flight was supposed to land in Dallas at 7:05. Oops! Well, a few minutes and $50 later I was booked on a 7:20 flight that arrived at DFW at 8:30, which was still an hour before my flight to Orlando. Crisis averted! Then they weighed my bag and charged me the very reasonable price of $50 for having the gall to take some things with me on a vacation. 6:05 in the morning and I have already spent $100. Thank goodness for expense accounts!

The flight was fine and we landed early. I called Lauren when I landed and she was with Donna, another vacationing manager, at the Blue Mesa bar having drinks. It was now 8:35 in the morning and I was heading to the bar. Things were starting to look up! In the words of my sweet 6 year old cousin, "it was a bloody mary morning!"

The next flight was fine. We did not get to sit together, but that was really no big deal. I boarded in the last group with the girls and my seat was at the back of the plane. Their was only one seat at the back of the plane left. I was in the middle on the three seat side of the plane. I recognized the looks on the faces of the people I would be sitting next to as I walked down the aisle. You know which one I am talking about. You have an empty seat next to you on the plane and some pleasantly plump person is walking down the aisle toward you. You paste a sad smile on your face and think to yourself "please don't let them sit next to me!" Well, having thought that myself many times, I totally understand the feeling! As I sat down I looked at the people on each side of me and said "looks like we're gonna get cozy." In hindsight that may have not been the best choice of words since none of us spoke again. We flew as comfortably as you can fly while packed in like sardines in a metal tube going 250 miles per hour.

The four of us vacationing together all landed within an hour of each other. By the time Brian got to baggage claim we had already picked up our rental car. We had our choice of several cars. I really wanted the Jeep Wranger, but the metric ton of luggage we had between the four of us would not allow that. We drove off in a Ford Edge, which is actually pretty roomy.

We got to the time share and checked in. This place is super nice! We then went in search of lunch. We decided Margaritaville was the place to go. We headed down to the Universal City Walk. We sat down at Margaritaville and immediately ordered margaritas. The girls had some fruity margaritas and Brian and I had what the menu called "The Perfect Margarita." They were pretty light in color when they were delivered. The reason they were so light was that they were almost pure tequila. I think they squeezed some lime in to color things a bit, but this was hands down the strongest margarita I have ever had. If we trace back the timeline of that night, "The Perfect Margarita" would be the tipping point. We got back to the house and had a few drinks and relaxed for a while. We then decided to go to the grocery store to get snacks and breakfast food. We left with alcohol and soda, but no food. The Publix grocery store we visited was in a strip mall with several other businesses. Sakura Sushi bar was next door. I was dying to have some sushi while we were here because sushi in Oklahoma is sold at a bait store. So we all went in for dinner. Two beers each and several sushi rolls later, I was telling the waitresses that "this is the best sushi I have ever had! Seriously, the best!" I think it was time to go home.

Several drinks later at home it was time to call it a night! We got up the next morning and went to Shoney's for breakfast. Shoney's! I have not been to one since I was in elementary school! The breakfast buffet was great, but the people watching was even better. Characters were certainly welcome. You know, I sometimes wonder as I watch and privately judge people in the mall or a restaurant what they are privately judging me for? Probably awesomeness. Definitely awesomeness. I did hold myself to one plate at the buffet, so at least no one was judging me for that. And before you say it, my one plate was not piled high! It was an average buffet haul with a side bowl of grits. I had to have some grits!

Back to the house for some March Madness games! At that point my bracket was doing pretty good. After the first round I had 24 out of 32 games correct, so I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then the second round started. Not feeling so hot now! I joined an office pool within Barnes & Noble, so I could potentially win over $600 if I come in first place. At this point, I feel like I might be a bigger contender for last place. At least in last place you get your $10 buy in refunded. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Dana scored us some free tickets to the Astros vs. Yankees exhibition game. We headed down there for some baseball, hot dogs and beers. We were disappointed to have "standing room only" tickets, but beggars can't be choosers. We really did have a good time though. The game was good and the weather was even better. Low 70's with a breeze and no humidity. Who could ask for more. We were getting 4-6 inches of snow at home, so I was pretty happy with the current climate!

I will try to keep the blog updated with some new posts throughout the week. You have to pay for internet at the convention center. Again, thank goodness for expense accounts.

Confessions of a Procrastinator

As it turns out, updating my blog is the only new year's resolution I kept. I am going to agree with Derek and go on record that resolutions suck! If you read that blog, one of my resolutions was to stop procrastinating. It is that easy, right? Not so much. I think I did a pretty good job for the first few weeks. Then about four weeks into the year my resistance tapered off just like all those folks who joined the gym at the beginning of the year.

My lack of an Oklahoma drivers license has everything to do with my flagrant procrastination when it comes to going to the license office. For starters, my TX license is expired. Talk about throwing caution to the wind. I fly out to Florida for vacation and my companies annual meeting tomorrow morning. I went to get my license this morning. Anyone else smell a recipe for disaster?

The office in Tahlequah is only open Tuesday and Thursday from 8:15-12. Convenient right? I got to the office at 8:30. Because I am from out of state and my license is expired, I have to take a written test and a driving test with an instructor. I walked in and the place was packed. Fifteen minutes after they opened all the slots for the entire day were taken for driving tests. Great. I got on the road to Muskogee. I called on my way there and the man I spoke with told me they had slots open for this afternoon. Thirty minutes later I walked into another packed office to find that all the slots had been taken for the entire day there too. I find out the closest office is in Sallisaw, so my unplanned road trip continued. I tried to reach the Sallisaw office on my way with no answers. Not a good sign. In the meantime I tried calling every other license office in the state. Tulsa, full. Oklahoma City, full. McCallister, full. Elk City, no answer, little hope, plus it was my farthest option and a shot in the dark to begin with. Just as I pulled into Sallisaw I was able to get through on the phone to find out they were full too. Everyone's response was "It's Spring Break so everyone is slammed." Really? I thought it would be the exact opposite. I was wrong.

I headed back to Tahlequah feeling quite sure that I would be making a "quick" trip to the nearest TX office to renew my license there. I was not looking forward to a seven hour round trip to get a license renewal that may or may not work at the TSA security line tomorrow morning. I got back to my house and realized while my license is expired, the renewal form I have is proof that I am currently licensed in TX. My license really never did get to me in the mail. When I finally got through to the state office last year, I was told it had been returned to them and destroyed. Thanks for nothing. I decided I would go back down to the office and plead my case to lone employee of the office. I waited half an hour to ask the question because I figured she might be more willing to bend the rules on my behalf if their was no audience. I told her my story and she said no. Exactly what I thought would happen. I felt beaten down by my procrastination and the state of Oklahoma. I went for one more hail mary. "What are my options? One of my new year's resolutions was to stop procrastinating and yet I have waited until today to get my license renewed. I have to be on a plane out of Tulsa at 7:00 a.m. tomorrow and I do not have a valid i.d. to get through security. Do you have any suggestions?" She asked me if I was just needing to get my license done so I could get on a plane. I told her I was. She said she could not do my license today but that she could do a state id card for me that would be valid proof of who I am. Hallelujah! "Are you serious? I had no idea you could just get an id and not a driver's license." She started getting paperwork together and ten minutes later I was on my way to the tag office to have my license printed. Examiner Johnson, you are my new best friend. I now have a valid license to fly. I also have license to procrastinate a little more on getting my new Oklahoma driver's license.

I cannot believe that it never occurred to me to just get an id card. I know they exist. I guess I just assumed I would have to have a license. You know what happens when you assume!

Modern Family

I'm not sure if everyone has been enjoying the new sitcom Modern Family on ABC. I know Katy and I sure have! If you have not been watching, you really should. It kind of showcases the love and dysfunction that most families deal with, but with a lot of laughter. Ed O'Neil plays the patriarch of the family, who has recently married a young 30-something latina bride who has a son who is about 10 years old. O'Neil has a grown son and daughter. His daughter is married to a bumbling but well meaning man. They have three children, two teen daughters and one son on the verge of becoming a teenager. O'Neil's son is gay and has a life partner. The couple also recently adopted a Korean infant.

I remember watching the first episode and thinking it was pretty funny. It was not until the end of that first episode that I realized the show was about one extended family and not three separate families. I guess I can be a little slow on the uptake. Now I think it is even funnier because of the extended family.

Phil, who is the husband of O'Neil's daughter and father of their three kids is really the whole reason for the blog tonight. He cracks me up more than anyone else on the show. He is a great father and husband to his kids, but he also thinks he is very hip. In one episode he went in to talk to his oldest daughter about a problem she was having. He said to pretend he was just a buddy from school that she was talking to in a juice bar or malt shop. Her cell phone rang and it was obviously a friend calling to see what she was doing. She responded with "just talking to some dork I met in a malt ship."

Tonight's episode was a rerun, but nonetheless hilarious. The two youngest children on the show were collecting bottles to take to school to help earn money to send to Africa to build a school there. They came in the house with a couple of boxes and bags of liquor bottles, excited that the neighbors who had a wild party were so willing to give up their empties. As they passed Phil in the hall his daughter said "Dad, what's Jagermeister?" His response was golden. "Um, well, you know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well this is like that except that you don't wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frathouse with a bad reputation." Exceptional parenting Phil.

I kind of imagine this is what I might be like as a dad someday. Loving? Yes. Bumbling? Probably. Standing by with outdated and perhaps inappropriate advice? Always. Thanks for the laughs Modern Family. Entertainment and Education. Priceless.

The Last Barbara Walters Oscar "Not So" Special

I set the Barbara Walters Oscar special to record before I left for Dallas last weekend. The combination of it being her "last" special and my want to see the Sandra Bullock interview was enough to suck me in. I took the time to watch it earlier this week. I have never been a big Barbara Walters fan, but she gets a lot of the "big" interviews, so I have seen a lot of her over the years.

I was disappointed in the interviews she did, but mostly because the whole special was dedicated to it being her "last oscar special." She only did 3, less than 10 minute interviews, during the whole show. She also did recaps of all the celebrities she has done interviews with in these specials over the past 29 years. It seemed like she was name dropping for an hour. Almost a "nanny, nanny, boo boo" about the fact that she interviewed all these people and we did not. She promised at the beginning of the interview to tell us why she was calling it quits. After the first commercial break she did just that. And I quote, "I'm kind of sick of it." What? Okay, I understand that may be the reason, but who says that? A lot of people probably tune into those specials every year. How about a "thanks for watching"? And what does that say about the celebrities she has interviewed over the past few years? Did they bore her so much she had to quit? It all seemed a little bizarre.

I wrote down a few of the interviews she did. I think she said her first special was one with an interview of Linda Evans from Dynasty. She called this "The Golden Age of Television." I was a child of the 80's and know that shows like Dynasty and Dallas were must-see-tv, but the "golden age?" Highly unlikely. I think of the golden age of tv as Dick Van Dyke, Mary Tyler Moore and I Love Lucy. I do not think many people will argue with me on that either. I am a huge fan of Lost, but I will not be calling it the "Golden Age of Television" in another 20 years.

She sort of made fun of a lot of her interviews. Warren Beatty and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were two that come to mind. She poked fun at herself about the interviews, but she came across as making fun of them both even more. I doubt the turtles care, but Warren Beatty might not appreciate being made fun of for an interview he did 15 years ago, even if what she said was true. Why not make fun of the clothing or hairstyles, neither of which have changed much over the years for her. I guess helmets and shoulder pads never go out of style, right? If it is good enough for the NFL, it is good enough for Babs.

She mentioned that in 2008 "the guests got younger." She interviewed Miley Cyrus and Ellen Page. Miley is one of the biggest acts out right now, so an interview with her seems appropriate, even if she is 50 years younger than Babs. Why act like it is a big deal now to have interviewed her two years ago. She is just as relevant in popular culture today as she was then, perhaps even more so. And Ellen Page was in one of the biggest movies that year. Juno was hilarious. If Babs did not want to do the interview I would have gladly taken over. I had a pretty big crush on Juno then. She also interviewed Harrison Ford in that episode. She described him as an "age appropriate" interviewee, which I thought was another dig at the other two.

Speaking of age appropriate, she got a lap dance from Hugh Jackman in last year's interviews. Good interview? Maybe. Appropriate? No.

Babs, I wish you had gone out on more of an appreciative note, but to quote someone I no longer work for, "it is what it is."

I LOVE's Eufala

I left Dallas Sunday night a little before 8 o'clock to head back to Tahlequah. I had a great weekend seeing Lauren and her family and some of my own family. I was on target to be home a little after midnight. I am usually wide awake behind the wheel, but I did start to get tired about 11 o'clock. I was driving up on Eufala and saw a sign for a Love's gas station. I decided to pull off and get an iced tea, stretch a little and use the restroom.

I came out of the restroom and started to fill my tea cup, or as I call it, a big ass tea! I was filling the tea when I heard things get a little loud up at the cash register. I did not hear the first part of the conversation, but it certainly peaked my interest. The woman behind the counter was leaning over the raised check out and yelling at the woman at the counter. At first I thought the girl checking out was a customer, but it turns out she was an employee who had just gotten off work. I think she may even have been the daughter of the woman behind the register. I may be wrong about that, but if they are not related, they were certainly close. The only part of the conversation I actually heard was the woman behind the counter say "those were not my tacos, so you shouldn't have taken them. I don't know what to tell you, but those were not your tacos to take." The girl she was talking to responded with a four letter word that is best not repeated here. She stormed outside as I put a lid on my tea. The woman behind the counter reached over and grabbed the loudspeaker that allows the employees to speak to everyone in the building as well as everyone outside at the gas pumps. She pressed the button and said "Jamie, I love love love love love you darling."

I walked up to the counter and checked out with another woman. She turned around as I walked up. I set my tea down on the counter. She smiled and then leaned down over the counter and rested on her forearms. She was only about a foot from my face, which is an uncomfortable distance from someone I do not know. She said "How you doing?" I said "good, how about you?" She responded with "I'll be a lot better in an hour when I get out of here." Then came the awkward pause. I'm not sure if the "how you doing" was because she is not aware of the social norms that go along with customer and cashier or if it was something else. Regardless, I paid my $1.62 and hit the road.

As I walked out I started laughing about what had just occurred. I often stop for tea on road trips, but very rarely do I get a show to go along with it. Needless to say, I will be stopping at the Love's in Eufala again soon!

24 Hour Crazy

I feel like I just got over a case of 24 hour crazy. Ever have those days? It started last night when I got home from OKC. I left the house at 6:30 yesterday morning to get to a vendor meeting with some other store managers. We met until a little after 5, then went for dinner and drinks. With the drive home, I got in just before 11 o'clock. I came in the house needing to do one load of laundry, shower and go to bed. Turns out I forgot to pay my water bill and my water was shut off when I got home. Are you kidding me? How old am I? That is sophomoric at least, not to mention embarrassing. So, no laundry and no shower, just straight to bed. I was closing the store today, so I did not have to be in to work until 10:00. I left a note for my landlord yesterday, along with my rent check, letting him know my dishwasher was not getting things clean. He left me a note, which I found when I got home last night letting me know my water was off and that might be the problem. Uh, that's not the problem. Or, at least not the main problem. He called me at 7:45 this morning to see if I had everything "taken care of." The utilities office does not open till 8:00 and he knows it. I went downtown, took care of the bill and had my water back on by 10 this morning. I was 5 minutes from walking out the door when he pulled up and came in through my garage door. I finished getting ready, but could not leave because he was blocking me in. I helped him unload the new dishwasher and then I moved his car to my neighbors driveway next door. Before you freak out, I told him I did it! I live in a duplex, so the next driveway is literally two feet away.

I finally got to work at 10:45. I had a meeting at 11:00, so I slid in with just enough time to check email and grab an iced tea. As luck would have it, my meeting was canceled because someone in the office across the way triple booked my client for meetings. No problem! We ended up having a lunch meeting at 12:30 which killed two birds with one stone.

After lunch, I headed back to my apartment to see how things were progressing with the dishwasher saga. I am not allowed to have pets where I live, which seems weird considering that my landlord's dog was laying in the floor of my apartment. He usually lets the dog roam around outside while he is working in any of the units. I guess he lets Buddy in when the tenants are not home. To tell you the truth, I do not mind, but I am allergic to dogs, so being asked before the dog was invited in would have been nice. I went back outside and the dog followed. I'm glad I was paying attention because he lifted his leg to pee on an upholstered chair I have against the wall in the garage. I hollered and Buddy put his leg down. The chair got sprayed a little, but not as bad as it could have been. Normally something like this might make me mad, but I got this chair from my uncle's garage because I was "sure I could use it." I guess my college days of hand-me-down furniture are not over. It has sat in my garage since Christmas. I should have let Buddy go to town and I would really have a reason to get rid of it.

I headed back to the store. Worked for a few hours and then had to step out and run to the store to get some supplies for our cash office. Again, I stopped by the house to see if Jim was still there working on the dishwasher. He was. This was a six hour install, which he freely admitted "any idiot could probably do in about 15 minutes." I know I couldn't, so I was glad he was there doing it. Buddy was back inside and laying on the floor against the couch. However, something was off. My house smelled like a smoky bar, minus the booze. My landlord had been smoking in my house! I know he owns the joint, but when I signed off on my lease he pointed out three things. No pets, no smoking and no painting. He left shortly after I got there, probably due to my incessant sniffing of the smoggy air in my apartment. Thank goodness I had the bedroom doors closed. They would have been smoky and peed on when I got home!

I got home from work for the day at 6:15 and the house still wreaked. I have been burning my ice storm candles ever since. Now it has a smoky "after the rain" scent. Oh well, it will fade. In the meantime, I was thinking I might recreate the Sistine Chapel on my ceiling just to prove a point. On second thought, I'm feeling kind of lazy. I should probably just go over and pee on the floor in his living room. It might send a stronger message.