Rated PG-13

I recently received the movie "Nine" in the mail through Netflix. I had been looking forward to seeing this movie for sometime because it never came to Tahlequah. It turns out that was a wise decision for our movie theater because the movie was terrible. I am a fan of musicals and most movies in general, but even I could not find the redeeming qualities in this one. Consider that your warning.

As I was starting the movie I noticed the MPAA rating for this movie was PG-13. In the box it said "This motion picture has been rated PG-13 for sexual content and smoking." Smoking? The sexual content I understand, and the rating was certainly warranted. Is it necessary though to rate a movie based on the amount of smoking people will see? Everyone in the movie smoked, but it was also set in Europe several decades ago, which seems pretty factual to me. This movie was not geared towards kids. Besides, are that many kids clamoring to see a musical that does not involve cartoon characters?

I guess we all have to be politically correct now, right? Well, Jim Carrey smoked in The Mask, which was rated PG. Cruella Deville smoked in all versions of the 101 Dalmations movies, rated G and PG. And I'm pretty sure they were not drinking ginger ale and smoking candy cigarettes at the Island of Lost Boys in Pinocchio, which was also rated G. You see people, kids can watch a movie and not walk away two hours later with a half a pack a day habit. In fact, when I saw Pinocchio I was more worried about my nose growing when I told a lie than anything else.

I guess it is just a sign of the times. Perhaps the MPAA rating box should have said "This movie sucks" and saved me two hours. However, it did not.

Weather

Well, tornado season is upon us once again. A lot of people freak out about tornados, but they have never really bothered me. I mean sure, a tornado warning gets my attention, but having grown up in tornado alley it has never been a constant worry. I figure if it is my time to go, it is my time to go. I had a totally different attitude about a different "force of nature" when I lived in Corpus Christi. I moved there in May of 2006 and immediately had to take a hurricane preparedness class at the university. Holy eye of the storm, Batman! Hurricanes? The locals all made no big deal of it, so I guess your reaction to the significant weather in your region is all relative.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago the weather was really bad. We had lots of severe thunderstorms, which I love, and lots of tornado warnings, which I do not. In all, we had six tornado warnings in my county, one of which was predicted to come into town from the south side. Thankfully it did not happen. (and thankfully I live on the north side of town.) We had lots of rain and even hail. The weather knocked out my satellite communication, so I put in a movie and "watched" the weather on weather.com. It beeps every time a new alert is posted, so I was feeling pretty informed. I checked the alerts each time they went off and one made me laugh when I read it. The first alert listed below seemed totally normal to me. The second one made me laugh. You be the judge.

#1...STORM HAZARDS INCLUDE... QUARTER SIZE HAIL... DAMAGING WIND GUSTS TO 70 MPH...

#2...STORM HAZARDS INCLUDE... DAMAGING HEN EGG SIZE HAIL... WIND GUSTS TO 60 MPH...

I have certainly heard of pea size hail, nickel and dime size hail, baseball and grapefruit size hail too. I have never heard of egg size hail, let alone hen egg size hail. Is it more descriptive to say hen egg? I think they usually forecast this as "golf ball" size hail, not egg size. And is using the hen description really necessary? Will it cause panic if your report simply says "egg size" hail?

"Egg size! Oh my, how big is that! Does he mean a chicken egg or a fish egg? What if he means ostrich egg hail! Are we even safe indoors?"

Okay, that may be a stretch, but the weather alert did give me quite a laugh on a night when most of the alerts were doing the exact opposite. Thanks for the laughs Weather Channel!

The Gingerbread House

Since I left my parent's house in 1999, I have always rented. Be it apartment, house or duplex, I have never owned my own place. To tell you the truth, as much as I have moved over the last six years it does not make any sense to buy anyway. Renting seems to fit in better with the transient lifestyle I seem to lead. Mom refers to all of us kids as "gypsies" because we move around so much. Regardless of what we are, I know she is happy to have all of us off the payroll.

Have I mentioned how much I love living in Tahlequah. It will be a year this week since I moved here and lately I have been itching to buy a home and plant some roots, even if they end up being pretty shallow ones. I currently rent a duplex here in town and it is very nice. This is probably the nicest place I have lived since I left home. I have everything I need here, but would like to have a place to call my own.

I saw a "For Rent" sign at a two story house that is a stone's throw away from the back door of my store. For those of you who do not know, I am not a commuter. God bless the people who commute thirty minutes or more to work, but I am not one of them. I called on the rental and found out that it was not exactly what I was looking for to rent. However, it was available for sale and that immediately peaked my interest. Basically, it was two one bedroom one bath apartments. One was upstairs and one was down. They had recently been remodeled and were really cool. DeWayne, my assistant manager, and I were out to lunch when the realtor called so we both went to see it. In the end it did not work out, but some things were missing that I was not willing to live without, namely washer and dryer hookups. On a sidenote, the realtor made several comments about DeWayne and I being a couple while we were looking at the house. Both of us told her more than once that we worked together and that was as far as it went. This did not stop her from saying "this place would be great for you two" several times. Oh well. I guess that is why DeWayne opted out on seeing the house I went to see this last Thursday. I cannot blame him, I just like to have a second opinion.

That brings us to the Gingerbread House, which is the house that is pictured within this post. It is small efficiency that became available last week. The realtor told me that local people call this house the Gingerbread House. After the comments I made about DeWayne and I, I feel it needs to be clear that I did not give the house that name. Are we clear? Okay good. Anyway, the house is really cool. Perfect for someone like me who is looking to cut his rent and cut down on the amount of crap I possess. I am not saying that you might see me on the next episode of "Hoarders," but I could certainly reduce the amount of furniture, kitchen gadgets and knick-knacks I own. You would think that someone who moves as much as I do would learn to travel light. However, every time I move the company hires packers so I have yet to fully embrace the amount of junk I own. I imagine having to face up to what I own would be the real estate equivalent of waterboarding. Maybe I will tackle it before I move someday. Maybe not.

Back to the house. As you can see from the pictures, the place is really nice. The people who owned it completely remodeled it and had a new roof put on within the last year. It has a stackable washer and dryer included, which was the first thing I looked for when I walked in. The house itself is 468 square feet. It is on a corner lot across from the school. Are you ready for this? The place is being sold furnished! A new place and new furniture? I really would be getting rid of a lot of my stuff. What is the biggest selling point? It is selling for $39,950! Some people spend more than that on cars. I would love to own a house for that low price and would love even more to have a mortgage that low.

Their are definitely some drawbacks to this house. Their is no full size refrigerator, only a fridge that is a little bigger than the one I had in my dorm room my freshman year. Their is also no stove or oven. It is being sold with a dual hot plate, which is nice. No dishwasher either, but that is no big deal when you can hardly cook in your own kitchen.

To tell you the truth, I think I am just enamored with the idea of owning a home right now. Maybe I am not ready to buy? Maybe I am? I am just not sure. However, when a place is that nice and that cheap, it is hard to pass up. It works out to $83 a square foot, which I am told is a great deal.

I emailed the listing of this house to Mom and to my friend Donna in Arkansas, who is also in the market for a house. I sent the link for the house in the email and simply said, "what do you think?" Mom emailed back shortly and said, "Cute!" Donna's response was short too, but exponentially funnier! See below for Donna's response, which I may have shared with some of you already.

"Cute! If you're an elf. How the hell are you suppose to get in and out of bed? Climb over the little half wall? What in the name of Bilbo Baggins are you thinking?"

It's Complicated?

I watched It's Complicated for the first time tonight. Pretty good flick. For months I have heard people saying that the movie was hilarious and that I had to see it. It didn't live up to the months worth of hype, but what movie does? Needless to say, I enjoyed it.

Well the movie certainly lived up to its title. I know nothing is simple when it comes to divorce, but when you begin an affair with your ex-husband 10 years after your divorce and he is remarried with another child, saying "it's complicated" might be an understatement. The land of romantic comedies allows us to laugh along the way and also to learn a lesson. No one ever got really upset. No one ever got really hurt feelings. I think that's why we like romantic comedies. It may be a fresh story, but the formula is still the same. No matter how many plot twists their are, we still have a happy ending.

That being said, one thing about the movie really bugged me. At the climax of the movie, Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin are found out by their three children and Steve Martin, who Meryl had begun dating. Alec admits that he and Meryl have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks and that he hoped to get back together. All the kids look distressed and are crying a little. Alec does not understand this and asks why they are not happy about their parents getting back together. One of the daughters repsonds with a tearful, "We're still getting over the divorce." Seriously?

The story of the movie tells us that Alec and Meryl have been divorced for 10 years. The kids they have together range in age from 27-22. Really? No one is over this divorce? I realize divorce is hard, but is 10 years really not enough time to get over it? My parents are divorced and I am way over it! Sure it hurt at first. Sure it hurt later. And for those of you who know my Dad, he made sure it hurt for a long time after that, but you have to move on! Maybe it is different for me since my mom remarried two years later and my dad is no longer in the picture. I was just trying to put myself in the shoes of the kids in this movie. This may not be true for everyone, but I think I would be more upset about my parents getting back together than I ever was about them splitting up!

I know that their is an air of ignorance to the tone in this blog. Divorce is hard and sure it still bothers me sometimes. These days it is more of a fleeting thought though than a constant in my mind. I guess that's what bugged me about the movie. I just think it would have been funnier if the kids had a different response. Would that have been the natural response? Maybe. I'll never know. Divorce is not to be taken lightly, but in the case of this movie it can be a laughing matter. Nice to see that sometimes!

Cymbalta can help

Have you seen the commercials for the anti-depression drug Cymbalta? For some reason these commercials always make me laugh. They start out the commercials with a downtrodden tune that is probably the inner monologue for a person suffering from depression. If it wasn't, I imagine it is after they see the commercial. The questions are what get me laughing. They ask questions about how you feel about doing things when you are depressed and then they answer them. Several weeks ago I started answering the questions aloud in the saddest, most hopeless voice I could muster. The commercial usually asks three questions.

When you're depressed......

1. where do you want to go? Nowhere
2. who do you feel like seeing? No one
3. what do you feel like doing? Nothing

Did you read the questions out loud? Did you use a sad voice when you answered them? Did it make you laugh? I hope so. If not, what's wrong with you. "Nothing." I thought so, Cymbalta can help.

Disclaimer: This post is in no way making fun of depression or those suffering from depression. If this post offends you, please take a chill pill from your medicine cabinet and call me in the morning.

Community

I think I need to preface this blog by admitting that I watch way to much tv. You know it. I know it. That being said, is anyone watching Community? Last Thursday's episode was undoubtedly the funniest episode I have seen since the show started.

Community started off pretty slow in the fall. In fact, at one point I almost quit watching. As I sat down to watch the fifth or sixth episode last fall I told myself, "if this episode is no good, I'm not watching it anymore." I live alone, so anything I put in quotes is something I probably said out loud to myself. That's not sad, that's just how it is. Anyway, that particular episode delivered like Domino's and I have been enjoying the show ever since. It stars Joel McHale, who is always funny on The Soup. It also stars Chevy Chase, which is really why I wanted to watch the show in the first place. You would probably recognize several of the other people on the show if you watch, but I do not know any of their names. The Spanish professor is the guy who delivered the baby in Knocked Up and jumped naked out of the trunk of the car in The Hangover. He was also the king in Role Models. He is funny in everything, but I have no clue what his name is.

The show pretty much upholds every stereotype that you can think of when it comes to community college. They have traditional fresh out of high school students mixed with non traditional students of varying backgrounds and creeds. The seven main characters are are a rag-tag group of misfits that became friends after forming a study group for their Spanish class. Jeff is the leader. He used to be a lawyer, but when the Bar Association found out that his degree was a fake, he ended up in school trying to get back what he had. Brita is just getting her life in order and decided to go back to school. Chevy Chase's character, Pierce, is an eccentric older man who has made his fortune, but got bored and went to community college for something to do. Abed is a budding filmmaker and constantly references film and tv shows and how they pertain to the group. Shirley is a recently divorced mother of two taking some classes to finish the degree she never got. Annie and Troy are both fresh out of high school. Troy was the star athlete in high school, but has not been able to translate that to anything else. Annie was a star pupil but never had a lot of friends. If you're still reading this, I'm sure you can see how this group could be pretty funny.

Fast forward to last Thursday's episode. The semester is coming to an end soon and Abed is disappointed that the list he has compiled from college movies of quintessential first year college experiences is no where near complete. He ends up "pantsing" Troy so he can mark it off his list. Troy does the same to Abed, which also happened to be on his list. They are sort of the Laurel and Hardy of the bunch, so they took it upon themselves to finish as much of the list as they could this episode. Pierce pants' Shirley when she walks in the room to get in on the college prank action and it does not end well for him. She is mad at him for that, and in turn for everything else he has done to her that year. He is mad at her for ruining his joke. They all begin to voice grievances with him too. Brita takes offense that Pierce refers to her as a lesbian, even though she is not. Annie did not like that Pierce said she had a "crafty Jew brain." Abed did not like that Pierce thought he was a terrorist. They collectively decide to kick Pierce out of the group for what he did to Shirley and for what he has done to all of them.

They soon find out that Pierce was a scape goat for the group. Even though his "compliments" were not to their liking, they did not realize what a hard time they gave Pierce. They begin to turn on each other, calling each person they make fun of "The New Pierce." Brita pronounces bagel with a short a, as in BAGel. Annie constantly does a shocked "huh" response to most things. Annie claimed that Shirley was the most bigoted after Pierce. Shirley invited her to a "pool party" that was actually a baptism, knowing that Annie is Jewish. Her response was, "Well excuse me for trying to sneak you into heaven."

Jeff and Brita were dealing with their own problems. While sitting in the cafeteria at the beginning of the episode, three high school students lean over to them and say "can you let us know exactly what happened in your life to get you here so we do not make the same mistakes?" Then they start laughing and calling Jeff and Brita "Smitty," which Pierce quickly points out probably means "Loser." They go back and forth with the group of kids the whole episode, getting "owned" by them in one way or another. The episode culminates in the cafeteria, where Jeff and Brita are face to face with the group of teens. Jeff looks at Brita and says, "it's a matter of pride." He walks over to the group of kids. The lead teen says, "What are you looking at." Jeff responds with, "What are you looking at, duh." Lead teen comes back with "What are you looking at, duh, a-duhhhh." The girl teen says "school his ass Mark!" Brita runs up and says "School his ass Mark, duhhhh." This leads to the whole group yelling "duh" at each other while the whole cafeteria watches. The scene changes and the screen says "12 minutes later." They are still going at their "duh" fest, but Jeff and Brita have gotten tired and had to sit down. Pierce and Shirley, who made up, walk in. Pierce looks at Shirley and says "Why are Jeff and Brita making fun of those handicapped kids?" They realize what is going on and that Jeff and Brita really need to "win" this one. They walk over and pants the kids, which breaks their concentration. "You forgot to say duh! You're the Smitty's!" The kids got owned. They turned to leave. Abed is disappointed that they have had to create so many "quintessential" college moments and that they did not happen organically. Just then, Troy and Abed get hit in the head with pie that the high school kids threw as they were leaving the cafeteria. They look at each other and both yell "Food Fight," which causes a massive food fight and their first organic quintessential college experience.

If you are still reading this, I'm impressed. I thought it was funny, but I also have the show to reference. If you have not seen the show, this episode is a good one to start with. NBC.com and hulu.com both stream this show and more for free. You should check it out.

I tried to find a clip of the show to post, but was not successful. Below is the link to watch the show on hulu. Enjoy.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/144934/community-the-art-of-discourse#s-p1-sr-i0

Cupcakes

I have been meaning to blog about this for awhile, especially since Margaret, Dana and I shared some spirited emails about the topic. For those of you who know Dana, you know she LOVES cupcakes. For those of you who do not know Dana, she REALLY LOVES cupcakes.

Margaret sent the article below out to both of us to look at with a suggestion for Dana's entrepreneurial wish to open a cupcake shop. You should check out the article because it is actually pretty neat. Not enough time? That's okay. Keep reading because I am going to make fun of it!

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/food/man-up-gender-equality-for-the-cupcake-crowd-856468/

I read the article and thought it was pretty funny. It begs the question, "are cupcakes too cute for men to enjoy?" Butch's Bakery in NY thinks cupcakes in their current state are just that, but they are taking measures to make their "mancakes" an acceptable dessert for manly men. To quote the article, "Our objective is simple. We're men. Men who like cupcakes. Not the filly pink-frosted sprinkles-and-unicorns kind of cupcakes. We make manly cupcakes. For manly men." What's wrong with a pink cupcake. In my opinion, cupcakes are pretty girlie any way you slice it, but who cares? Frosting is frosting. The taste is what matters! Don't get me wrong, I looked at those cupcakes and frosting and immediately thought "get in my belly," but I do that with any cupcake. I have never considered myself a big cupcake connoisseur, but I do have a Pavlovian response to these delectable treats. Don't get a big head though cupcakes, I pretty much respond to any food that way.

Cupcakes for manly men. Is it just me or is that sort of a contradiction in terms? Do many men eat cupcakes? Of course they do. Is that what makes them manly? Of course not. Does a manly man feel less manly eating a pink cupcake? Maybe. Will that make them stop eating pink cupcakes? Definitely not. For that matter, baking has never been considered very manly. Have you thought about that Butch's Bakery? In keeping with the manly "Meat. Beer. Fire." attitude towards cooking, you would think these cupcakes would come off the grill with a nice bark and smoke ring, just like a good brisket. I'm not saying baking is girlie. I like to bake. But let's call a spade a spade and admit that baking does not top the list of manly ways to cook.

I would venture to say the biggest customer at Butch's Bakery will be women. Maybe they will be buying them for men, but perhaps the novelty of the cupcake will be the biggest draw. I went to Sprinkles cupcakes in Dallas with Dana last fall and bought some cupcakes to take home with me. They did not make it past the Oklahoma state line, but my intentions were good. Most of the people buying cupcakes were women, but it's not like men were not in line. I didn't feel emasculated in line. I wouldn't have even if I had been the only man in line. My focus was on the task at hand, namely, cupcakes. I bet that was the focus of everyone in line.

Mancakes? Seriously? Does that sound like a dirty word to anyone else? I file this word with other words that sound dirty regardless of whether they actually are. Need some examples? Fetish. Titillate. Rectory. Stimulate. Mancakes. Uranus. See, it fits right in! All of the words on this list sound dirty to me in any context and will probably illicit an inappropriate junior high laugh or at least a crooked smile.

What do you think? Do manly cupcakes make it more acceptable for a man to eat a cupcake, or do you think it even matters? They do have some great sounding cupcake flavors that I would love to try. Beer Run, Rum and Coke, Jackhammer and B-52 are just a few.

One last note. This bakery does not have a brick and mortar store. They are available by mail order only. How many men do you think will order confections to have delivered to their doorstep? I don't think I would. I would rather just go down the street for a pink cupcake. I hope they have some with unicorns on them..........