A Little 911 Music

It has been month since my last blog. My how time flies! I do have more blogs almost ready to post, but this one was just too funny to me. Did you hear about Bernadette Music, the woman from Ohio who got drunk and called 911 for a date? You read that last line correctly. In fact, she called at least four times and tied up lines for twenty minutes. I am attaching the news clip that I saw on the news last week when it was reported. I do not watch the news as often as I would like, but it is always nice to catch little gems like this report. I saw another video that said she would not answer the door when police arrived after the calls and when she did she urinated in the hallway. Classy.

I am certainly not one to snipe at anyone else for doing something stupid when you have too much to drink, but let's call a spade a spade, or in this case, a moron. One of my favorite highlights from the video is her boyfriend, who is pictured briefly in the "looking out the window" shot. I guess he was not around on that fateful night she called the local 911 party line. Others include her oddly shaped nose, bleach blonde hair and zebra striped bra. God bless the ABC editor who got a shot of her swigging from her two liter bottle of Big K Diet Soda. Hope you enjoy the video. More blogs to come soon

Groundhog Day

I noticed this critter behind my house one day when I was going to fill my water jug to water the plants I have on my back porch. I walked through my backyard and stopped short just around the corner. I did not recognize the little guy and he seemed to have the same reaction. He stood up on his hind legs and we stared at each other for a few seconds. At the time I was not sure what kind of critter he was, and he obviously did not recognize my species from the many other creatures in the woods behind my house. This staring contest lasted only a few seconds before he scampered away under the fence. This was the first time I saw him and I thought it would be a one time event. It turns out that this critter, which I now know is a groundhog, has made my backyard a playground.

I see him all the time now. He seems to like the area beside my house and will duck his head out from under the fence to make sure the coast is clear before he comes out. I was able to snap one picture of him from my spare bedroom before he ducked back under the fence. Not a great picture, but I doubt he and I will be driving down the road like Bill Murray and Punxatawney Phil anytime soon, so this will have to do. Can you even imagine? Me and Phil's Oklahoma cousin cruising down the open road.

Speaking of, the movie Groundhog Day is one of my favorites, which makes it even weirder to me that I did not know what kind of animal this was the first time I saw it. To tell you the truth, I think this is the only time I have ever seen one in person. Every other time has been that movie or when the real Phil comes out to forecast the coming of Spring. I knew it was far too big to be a prairie dog. The lack of tail and the continent we live on helped me to rule out nutria as well. I really did think it might be a nutria. What was I thinking? I was talking about it at work one day and someone said "it might be a groundhog." Novel idea, huh? I googled some groundhog pictures and quickly realized that was what I was dealing with.

If I get some more pictures I will post them. I guess I should come up a fancy name for him too. Tahlequah Tom? Tahlequah Teddy? Cherokee Charlie? Time will tell.

Flux Capacitor

I wish I was handy. I think we all know someone who is the ultimate handy man. I have many in my family, but that is certainly one of my recessive genes. All the men in my family seem to be good at fixing, remodeling, and working through any major or minor home repairs. I suppose the case could be made that we are all pretty handy judging by the gifts we hand make and exchange at our family Christmas every year. Home made gifts are one thing, remodeling your master bathroom like my cousin Jake is another. If our family members were TV characters, Jake would be MacGyver. I would probably be more like Tim "the Tool Man" Taylor or a cartoon character with no opposable thumbs. Seriously, Jake remodeled he and Kristi's bathroom and it is awesome.

Regardless of whether I can actually fix anything or not, I wish I knew the lingo to make it sound like I did. My air conditioning recently went out so I called my landlord and he had someone out the next day to fix it. He called me to let me know it was fixed and that the _________ had gone out. Wondering why that last sentence had a blank? Me too. He told me what part went out and was subsequently replaced, but I of course deleted that vital bit of information from my brain. I mentioned to DeWayne that my air conditioning was working again later that day at work. Of course he responded with "what was wrong with it?" Knowing this question was probably on the horizon, I prepared my standard answer. "Flux capacitor."

Many of you may realize that the only machine that uses a flux capacitor is the time traveling DeLorean from Back to the Future. I may not know much, but I know nothing I am in contact with on a day to day basis is fueled by plutonium. I do know that aside from getting my oil changed, replacing a fuse or anything to do with my alternator, all other car problems have to do with the flux capacitor. Computer crashed? Flux capacitor. Water heater out? Flux capacitor. Problems with appliances, lawnmowers and all things electronic? Flux capacitor.

Will I ever gain some handy man knowledge? Survey says........probably not. Let's face it, I am almost 30 and soaking up new knowledge from a topic I really do not care that much about it unlikely. Maybe I am wrong. I doubt I will ever replace the motor in my car, but perhaps I will learn to grout and tile a bathroom someday. I guess time will tell. Until then, the flux capacitor specialists will continue to be a phone call away.

A Room with a View

I have spent the 4th of July in many places over my 29 years, but I just do not think any will ever compare to the collective years when I spent my 4th's on Main Street in Panhandle. I cannot recall ever having a bad time at any 4th of July, but the ones spent in Panhandle are certainly closest to my heart.

For those of you who have never been to the 4th of July festivities in Panhandle, you really should plan a trip for next year. I try to be there at least every other year. If you are planning to come next year and are not able to drive, you can fly into Amarillo International airport and I will pick you up. Two start accommodations can be found at the Double N Motel, nestled between the Dairy Queen and the always open, but ever name changing mexican restaurant. No need for a wake up call, as you will be gently greeted in the morning by a few rays of sunshine and a 50 mph hour locomotive which runs behind the hotel. It is delightful. The Texan Motel, a Panhandle legacy, is the other option. It is located just off Main Street. This is an older establishment, but just as charming. A few of the rooms have bathrooms, but the rest share a community restroom. If you feel like stepping back into your college dorm days then this is definitely the place for you.

The 4th of July celebration day is always a great time in Panhandle. The day starts with a parade down Main Street. To tell you the truth, I have not seen the parade in years. We have a 1973 Volkswagon Bug that we always drive in the parade, so anytime I am home I am in the parade. Pretty much anyone can be in the parade. If you have a farm implement, you can be in the parade. If you have a classic car or just one you think is "classic", you can be in the parade. If you decorate a golf cart with streamers and other red white and blue paraphernalia, you can be in the parade and possibly win a prize. And if you drive a comically small car and wear a fez atop your head, you too can be in the parade.

The parade ends at the court house where a multitude of foods are ready to wreak havoc on your cholesterol. Funnel cakes, turkey legs, corn dogs, and almost anything else you can fry. Mostly fair food, but all the good kinds. Not even Templeton the rat could resist this veritable smorgasbord.

Then the show begins. The variety of acts at the courthouse is what makes the all day affair so enticing. Who can resist a little Miss and Mister contest? Well, it is shockingly easy for someone without kids. At some point the ill prepared, but well meaning, junior high and high school cheerleaders will perform, which always gets the crowd going. Several other acts come and go each year, but only one performance that occurs at 3:00 p.m. really packs the courthouse lawn. This particular group is made fun of and quietly heckled until their flurry of feet hit the stage. The Amarillo Cloggers are always the biggest attraction to be seen at the Panhandle 4th of July celebration. As much as well all make fun of them leading up to their performance, we all seem to gather on the lawn just in time to see them perform.

Not all of the action takes place on the courthouse lawn. This brings me to the title of this blog. My dad Leslie's cousin Hal has an office on Main Street, just a few blocks south of the courthouse. One day a year this becomes The Viewing Room. My parents, Hal, his wife and lots of their friends gather and watch the parade from the lawn chairs they tote inside. This allows them to enjoy the parade with air conditioning.......and adult beverages that might be frowned upon while kids are gathering candy on Main Street. Mimosas and Bloody Mary's flow while they watch from what can only be described as a two way mirror. The front of Hal's office is floor to ceiling glass that is mirrored on the street side. People constantly stop and check themselves in the "mirror," even more so on a busy day like the 4th. I made it back down to the viewing room just after the parade ended last year. Lots of people are still out on the street making their way down to the courthouse. No one seems to realize that someone might be on the other side of the glass. We saw people check their hair, pop a zit, have an argument with each other and even pick their nose. It is amazing what people will do when they think no one is looking. When the nose picker stopped by we all stopped talking and stared. She checked herself in the mirror first, lifting her head a little and flaring her nostrils. Nothing seemed to be there on our side. She checked to her left and then her right. Then she raised her finger and started mining. We collectively said "Ohhhhh" and roared with laughter. Apparently the mirror was not sound proof as she quickly realized someone might be on the other side of the glass. She put her hand back in her pocket, tucked her tail between her legs and quickly walked away leaving us with fading laughter and a great 4th of July story.

It turns out that Hal may move his office to his home, so this year may have been the last 4th of July viewing. Hopefully this is mere conjecture and not the ugly truth. I know each of you reading hopes we can meet next year on Main Street in Panhandle. Bring your chairs and your favorite cocktails and we will enjoy the air conditioning and good company from a room with a view.

Likes and Dislikes

This is totally random, but I have been thinking a lot lately about little things that I like and dislike. Nothing that brings me great joy or distress, but things that make me smile or cringe a little. Just everyday things that other people probably do not even notice.

Likes:

For some reason I really like the "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter" commercial with Megan Mullally. They have been running for several months. She is dancing in a supermarket aisle while singing about butter to the tune of "Turn the beat Around." I think one of the lyrics goes "turn the tub around, talkin' bout nutrition." I know, hilarious.

My "Oh snap" button. Some of you may have read a blog a few days ago about my "oh snap" button. Picture this. I am sitting alone in my house and someone on tv says something snarky or sarcastic to another person and I reach over and tap the button and Raven Symone says "Oh snap!" I'm not sure what amuses me more, her voice or when I think to myself, "well said Raven."

Tyler Perry movies. I just cannot explain it. Most of the movies have decent stories that have happy endings with good morals winning over bad behavior. I also really appreciate the faith that is on display in every movie. No one shies away from talking about God. Most movies have several scenes in the church and a whole lot of great gospel music.

Waking up five minutes before my alarm. It does not get better than this!

Jimmy Fallon's laugh. Dana recently got me watching Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. He is a genuine laugher. He also laughs and snickers at his own jokes. As someone who also laughs at his own jokes, I can appreciate that. He is genuinely goofy.

David Letterman. I'm team Letterman.

Saturday morning Bloody Mary's. Even better when with friends or family. Margaret and I have shared many bloody mary's with the folks at Cheddars. And for those of you who are not aware, my parents have the best bloody mary recipe. Saturday morning is always good when I go home!

Dislikes:

For some reason it really irks me when people use the word "vacay." As in "I need a vacay" or "I just got back from vacay." I know we live in a busy world but is shortening the word vacation really necessary? Unlikely.

Facebook applications. I do not want to help tend your farm, sign your yearbook, start a mafia war, meet you in Treasure Isle or Bedazzle anything. Thank you for the suggestion, but I respectfully click ignore.

Not putting your cart in the cart stall when you come out of a store like Wal-Mart or Target. I know they have people out there to bring the carts in, but they are paid to bring them in from the cart stalls. You took the cart out of the store, at least take it back to the stall.

Jay Leno. Again, I'm team Letterman.

LOL. You will never see me text or email LOL. I have no beef with people that do, but I am not a fan.

I'm sure I could think of many more, and probably will just after I post this. That is why I like the edit button.

E.M.W.F.

I had a new experience this last weekend. For those of you who do not know, I lived in Las Vegas for a year. For those of you who have been to Las Vegas, you know the shows at the casinos are amazing. I have been to a few and have only good things to say. I saw Celine Dion and the Second City Improv when Sara came to visit and went to Tony and Tina's wedding when Lauren came. I saw countless bands perform at a number of casinos and enjoyed several dueling piano bars around town. That being said, I have never seen a show like the one I saw last Saturday at the Creek Nation Casino in Muskogee.

E.M.W.F stands for Extreme Midget Wrestling Federation. That's right folks, I saw Midget Wrestlers! It..........was.........awesome! It deserved every pause in the last sentence!

I went last Friday night to Boomerang Diner here in Tahlequah to get a burger to go. While waiting for my order I picked up the latest copy of The Current, which is a local monthly magazine that outlines everything going on in our area, be it music, theater or in this case, wrestling. The second page was a full page ad for the Creek Nation Casino in Muskogee. It listed several events going on over the next couple of months, but one caught my eye. I had never heard of midget wrestling, let alone the "extreme" kind, but it certainly peaked my interest. The more I thought about it, the more I decided that this might be a once in a lifetime opportunity. I had to go. And go I did!

The advertisement stated that the cost to get in the door was $10. It turns out that the event was free when I got there, which prompted me to quietly exclaim "jackpot!" It is turns out their was no door to the event. The wrestling match was being held under a big white tent in the parking lot out back. It reminded me of an old fashioned Southern Baptist tent revival with the exception of the drinking, smoking and cussing.

I was a little late getting to the casino, but made it in time for the first match. I was not able to take any pictures because it was a casino event. I was sitting far back enough that any pictures I could take with my cell phone would not be of any use anyway. The pictures included in this blog are from the EMWF website. These are the exact midget wrestlers that I saw on the tour.

If the midget wrestling were not enough, the sights and sounds from the entire event were well worth the twenty mile trek over to Muskogee. I was surprised at the number of women at the wrestling match. Women far out numbered the men who attended. The couple that sat in front of me seemed to be your average couple. He was sort of a want-a-be cowboy and she was your average girl next door, until she got a couple of drinks in her. Well, the beers began to course through "the girl next door" and the Oklahoma redneck that lived inside was unleashed. Her butterfly tramp stamp peaked out from below her shirt and here hot pink thong came out to say hello from above her jeans. She whipped out the Marlboro lights and began an intravenous line of Bud Light. Not five minutes later she belted out the first of many, "kick his ass Oklahoma!" Most of the midget wrestlers identified themselves with an origin of state. In one match, a midget from Oregon took on a midget from New York. Oregon played it cool and talked about how much he liked Oklahoma. New York chose to play it, uh, differently. Of course he got lots of boos, but all in the spirit of wrestling. The girl next door really seemed to like Oregon, and voiced it aloud many times over.

The midgets did a lot of trash talking. Some of it was directed at each other and some of it was directed at the audience. "I'm the sexiest piece of midget meat you'll ever see" was probably the best one directed at the audience. The midget from Texas was wrestling the midget from Arkansas and said to him, "when it's all over you're gonna be squealing like a pig." This led me to believe that he knew the movie Deliverance pertained to Arkansas, but perhaps not in which way. Regardless, the crowd was going nuts for anything the midgets said.

Midget wrestling was worth every $4 beer I drank! I saw camouflage, boots, cowboy hats, halter tops, muffin tops, tanks tops, bra straps, bandannas, thongs, beer drinking, smoking, chewing, spitting, trash talking, yelling, cussing and midgets. What else could you ask for? Oh wait, sexy midget woman who announce each round. Now that's a Saturday night!

The View from my Soapbox

I consider myself a pretty opinionated person. Most of the time I have a pretty "black and white" opinion on matters regardless of whether the matter is indeed black and white. However, most of the time I do not wield these opinions like a political pundit on Real Time with Bill Maher and rarely do I verbalize as well as someone like Julia Sugarbaker "terminating" her adversary on Designing Women. Yes, I did just reference Designing Women. I read an article on the life of Dixie Carter the other day and it got me thinking about "righting wrongs" in reference to this blog.

My mom has said to me several times over the past couple of years that she has "mellowed." This is in reference to getting "fired up" over a wrong doing or injustice, or just something small that generally ticks you off. Anytime I get fired up about something now, she says, "Don't sweat it. You'll mellow out like me one of these days." And while I certainly agree that Mom has mellowed in recent years, she can still breathe fire when she needs to. This leads me to believe that I may not yet have hit the apex on my bell curve of getting fired up.

I recently went in to Hollywood Video here in Tahlequah. As many of you may have read, Hollywood Video and its parent company, Movie Gallery, are going out of business. I think some of the Movie Gallery stores are staying open, but all of the Hollywood Video stores are closing. We have one of each in town and they are both closing. The air conditioning was out in the Hollywood Video store when I first went, so the store was closed that day. I went back a week and a half later because I noticed the doors were open and was shocked to find out that the air conditioning was still not running but people were working. It was over 90 degrees outside with humidity that made it feel hotter. Apparently the A/C was too expensive to fix, so it was not going to be. What? That is ridiculous! I decided when I got home that I would send Hollywood Video an email regarding the treatment of its employees. Below is the email I sent.

Treatment of employees

I recently visited your store location in Tahlequah, OK where I live. I know the store is going out of business, which is a terrible thing. I have worked in a store that went out of business before and I know certain concessions tend to be made when one is going out of business. The air conditioning went out at this location over a week ago. My concern is not for the customers who come in and out from the comfort of their air conditioned vehicles, but for your employees who are doing their best with a terrible situation. I know first hand that air conditioning is very expensive, especially a commercial unit. However, other options are available. Renting a refrigerated air unit might be one. In some cases you may have no where else to sell the merchandise, but your parent company, Movie Gallery has a store in town that is also going out of business. Could the merchandise there not be moved to the other location for liquidation? I understand that this is a tough time and costs for a location that is closing need to be kept to a minimum, but when it comes to the safety of your employees accommodations must be made. The team you have in your store is doing the best with the situation they have been dealt. I urge you to do something quickly, as the temperatures here have reached 91 degrees with humidity outside that makes it feel closer to 100 degrees. Please have the same allegiance to your store team that they are obviously showing to you.

This is definitely not "righting a wrong," but it did make me feel like I was taking action. It made me feel like I was not "an indecisive little bitch." Whoa, where did that come from? I was on a road trip with Erin and Dana from Vegas to L.A. a few years ago. When I continued to say "I don't care" when asked about where we should eat, go or stay, I was criticized and called "an indecisive little bitch." This has since become what we call each other when a decision is not made in a timely manner. I know, it's classy.

This is not the first time I have sent a disgruntled email to a company. I had a bad experience with Domino's when I lived in Las Vegas and sent an email to their home office while at work the next day. Erin still sends this to me every so often in an email that says "look what I found!" Below is a copy of the email I sent to Domino's.

Dirty Domino's

I was very dissatisfied with my phone service when I placed an order last night. I understand how busy a place can be. I work in retail and I also used to work in a pizza place. I actually called back to cancel the order after I was hung up on during ordering. I have long been a domino's claimer. My parents both worked nights there when they first married and my dad was still in school. I had a crib in the backroom for crying out loud! I was definitely brought up loving domino's. I know that this store is in Las Vegas/Henderson, and this city is just chock full of jerks, but a little hospitality would go a long way. Anyway, I guess the point that I am trying to get across is that if the customer service is bad enough for me to actually call back and cancel my order then something needs to be fixed. Thanks again for all the wonderful pizzas. You have not lost a customer, but gained a valuable barometer of customer service. If you would like any tips on proper phone etiquette please let me know. I obviously have a little extra time on my hands.

Obviously this email was a little more amusing than the first. I actually received a response from this one, which is more than I can say for Hollywood Video. Domino's called me about my email and offered to pay for the order I was going to place the night before. They said they would credit it to my phone number so that when I called it would automatically allow me to get the order for free. Cool huh? Of course when I called that same night nothing was "saved to my phone number." Oh well, at least I got my point across, or at the very least gave some people at Domino's a laugh.

I have been watching the series "What Would You Do?" on ABC and it has had me thinking about what I would do in different situations. In the situations above I reacted, but their have been times in the past when a situation arose that should have elicited a reaction and did not. I know we can probably all say this is true, but I would like to think that watching the show has at least made me realize that it is okay to react when you think someone is being treated unfairly. Reacting to a situation is a good thing! Eviscerating someone with your words, maybe not so much. This afternoon I had a vendor call that had previously serviced the store before B&N took over the account last year. She explained to me that the store had signed up for a 24 month listing in the white pages a year ago, and paid for the first 12 months. Now of course, as the new white pages are being distributed, they want to receive payment for the next 12 months. I explained the situation and the woman said she understood. She then told me she would be sending me a bill for the remaining balance. That led me to believe that she did not understand. We went back and forth for a minute or so. I was kind of high on a 6 Hour Energy shot I had taken earlier, so I finally said "Look, I didn't order the listing, so I'm not paying for the listing. You can send a bill, but you will get it back in the mail with a handwritten note that says I didn't order the listing, so I'm not paying for the listing." She quickly thanked me and hung up. I usually have a little more tact than that, but the 6 Hour Energy Shot had me feeling good!

So that is the view on a few things from my soapbox. You may not agree, but thanks for reading. The words of my Dirty Domino's email ring true again. "I obviously have a little extra time on my hands."

California Dreams

Did Saturday morning television ever get any better than it was in the early 90's? This is a rhetorical question of course. Everyone around my age lovingly remembers Saved By the Bell. In fact, thanks to TBS reruns, generations of kids, and kids at heart, will learn to love the show as much as we all do. I am not sure everyone holds the equally awesome but less memorable California Dreams in the same regard.

To tell you the truth, it was basically the same show, with good looking, wacky, well meaning teenagers in a coastal California town. Except these teenagers had a band called The Dreams, hence the show title. Before you start to argue, Saved By the Bell had music too, but not in every episode. Their were some memorable Saved By the Bell musical episodes. A few that come to mind are any Zack Attack episode, the caffeine pill popping episode where Hot Sundae performs, and the "brings tears to your eyes every time" prom episode when Kelly could not afford a dress and Slater and Jessie sang Almost Paradise. Those were all fantastic! However, having music in every episode was a California Dreams specialty.

The music for the show was actually really great. The actors could sing, and actually did sing all the songs in the show and on the California Dreams album. You heard me correctly. An album, or more accurately, cassette tape, was produced for this show. Without keeping you in suspense any longer, I do own the tape. In fact, it is the only tape I still own and I keep it in my car at all times. I rarely listen to it, but every now and then I get a hankering for the them song Another favorite is the "true to its title" Castles on Quicksand, the epic brother/sister ballad "If You Only Knew," and an Erin Stafford favorite "One World."

Erin and I worked together at UNLV in Las Vegas for a while. One day we got to talking about California Dreams and I mentioned that I had the cassette tape in my car. I think she thought I was joking at first, or maybe just wanted to believe I was joking and not really that big a......fan. Let's go with fan! Later that day we went to lunch at this terrible mexican food restaurant across the street called El Patio. The place was really not that good, but we seemed to go there once or twice a month. We took my car and as we pulled out of the parking lot I remembered the tape so I turned it on so Erin could here the song that would become her favorite. I know the words to all the songs on the tape, but I do not put near as much heart into singing the others as I do when I belt out the rap verse on "One World." This song, more than any other, really features all four of the original cast members on the show. Lead singers and siblings Jake and Jenny get most of the action on this one. Tiffani gets a solo verse too. However, when Tony rocks the mic with his rap, it puts a smile on my face and soul in my voice. I wish I had a camera on Erin when she saw me sing the verse you see below. Her reaction was classic! The fact that she is still my friend after she saw that is a true testament to the type of friend she is!

It's not about the white, it's about the right thing.

Sisters and brothers, soul has no color.

Everyone of us is one, underneath the sun.

We have begun telling everyone about love.

Put away that loaded gun!

Use imagination, we are one nation.

Every boy and every girl, come on everybody, we are one world.

Is it just me or could that song cure what ails our nation today? I think it could. Perhaps I should send a mixed tape to our nation's leaders. Perhaps we should have an all California Dreams all the time radio station. These are all valid questions!

Dana and I were on the phone last week and she mentioned that Jimmy Fallon had hosted a California Dreams reunion episode on his late night show. I rarely watch any late night tv, but was happy to find the clip below on hulu.com. In the clip, Jimmy gathers the entire cast of the California Dreams. This is also what inspired the blog. I could not have been happier to hear these voices sing then if I had been there myself. Please enjoy the clip. If you feel you need a copy of my California Dreams tape let me know. I will have to build a time machine to go back and find a store that still sells blank tapes, but I will see what I can do!

Oh snap!

I have no idea where the phrase "Oh snap" came from, but I am loving it! Have you heard this phrase used? I have heard it on tv, movies and in real life and it makes me smile every time I hear it. I have tried working it in to my vocabulary, but it sounds forced and frankly sophomoric. I have not given up on it though.

Oh snap

Definition: a common slang term, which can convey surprise, shock, exclamation, emphasis, insult or misfortune.

Origin: Rappers (which one does not matter)

Derivative of: "Oh no you didn't"

Apparently this phrase was popularized by Tracy Morgan on SNL. It has since been used comically by the likes of Dave Chappelle, Neil Patrick Harris, Raven Symone and B&N's own Brian Griffin. Brian uses "oh snap" or his own derivative, "snapple," as often as possible and it is hilarious! Three years ago Brian and I went to Orlando on vacation with a group of store managers. When arriving at the airport to leave I realized that my "oh snaps" were about to come to a screeching halt as we all parted ways. Fortunately the Disney store had me covered. For the low, low price of $3.99, I was able to take home a That's So Raven push button that simply stated, you guessed it, "oh snap!" Thank you Disney and thank you Raven. I have not had to live without the comic timing of that button since then.

Please enjoy this video of me pressing the "Oh Snap!" button.

Breaking News

I walked in from work today and turned on World News. I like it when I get home in time to watch this news broadcast, because most of the Tulsa news seems to revolve around someone being shot. Seriously folks, the news paints Tulsa as a pretty violent town. I guess lots of people in Tulsa belong to gangs. I have family in Tulsa and I sincerely hope that none of them feel the peer pressure to join a gang. I'm talking to you Joel! Stay strong. Okay, that was silly.

One of the stories Diane Sawyer closed with was the fact that Al and Tipper Gore are divorcing. I have no allegiance to either of them and have never been a fan of Al Gore, but I have to admit that was pretty shocking news. It is always sad to hear that a couple is divorcing, especially one that has been married for forty years. I guess I just assume you have everything worked out by then. I guess I have a lot to learn.

The story was really just a blurb, so I opened my computer and googled it. Lots of recent stories came up. I am not sure if you have noticed or not, but when google results come up they have a list of twitter comments that will stream in live if you stay on that page. One of the comments caught my eye, and then several more did. It is amazing how harsh people can be. It is also amazing how funny they can be. I would never post anything like what is listed below, but that is not to say I did not laugh when I read it. I guess I am posting it since I am repeating it on the blog, but I am going to post it anyway.

These were the tweets that caught my eye:

Divorce attorneys predict Tipper will get 40 percent of Al Gore's self-righteousness, half the Internet and a solar panel.

Al Gore and wife begin first stages of a very public divorce. Gore scheduled to present a 3 hour PowerPoint detailing what went wrong.

Al Gore also invented divorce.

Can you believe Al Gore is getting a divorce? Who is he going to marry now, the earth?

One other related story caught my eye too. It mentioned Al and Tipper and Heidi and Spencer. It announced the Gore divorce and said "this is on the heels of last weeks announcement that Heidi and Spencer Pratt are taking a break." Yeah, that's the same thing. Forty years of committed marriage and one year of a circus freak show on MTV. Is that really the angle you are taking on this story examiner.com? I think you might want to rethink that.

Regardless of what I think, I was sad to hear about the divorce. As far as Heidi and Spencer are concerned, I think their separation was more of an inevitability, not a story. How's that for an inconvenient truth?

Rated PG-13

I recently received the movie "Nine" in the mail through Netflix. I had been looking forward to seeing this movie for sometime because it never came to Tahlequah. It turns out that was a wise decision for our movie theater because the movie was terrible. I am a fan of musicals and most movies in general, but even I could not find the redeeming qualities in this one. Consider that your warning.

As I was starting the movie I noticed the MPAA rating for this movie was PG-13. In the box it said "This motion picture has been rated PG-13 for sexual content and smoking." Smoking? The sexual content I understand, and the rating was certainly warranted. Is it necessary though to rate a movie based on the amount of smoking people will see? Everyone in the movie smoked, but it was also set in Europe several decades ago, which seems pretty factual to me. This movie was not geared towards kids. Besides, are that many kids clamoring to see a musical that does not involve cartoon characters?

I guess we all have to be politically correct now, right? Well, Jim Carrey smoked in The Mask, which was rated PG. Cruella Deville smoked in all versions of the 101 Dalmations movies, rated G and PG. And I'm pretty sure they were not drinking ginger ale and smoking candy cigarettes at the Island of Lost Boys in Pinocchio, which was also rated G. You see people, kids can watch a movie and not walk away two hours later with a half a pack a day habit. In fact, when I saw Pinocchio I was more worried about my nose growing when I told a lie than anything else.

I guess it is just a sign of the times. Perhaps the MPAA rating box should have said "This movie sucks" and saved me two hours. However, it did not.

Weather

Well, tornado season is upon us once again. A lot of people freak out about tornados, but they have never really bothered me. I mean sure, a tornado warning gets my attention, but having grown up in tornado alley it has never been a constant worry. I figure if it is my time to go, it is my time to go. I had a totally different attitude about a different "force of nature" when I lived in Corpus Christi. I moved there in May of 2006 and immediately had to take a hurricane preparedness class at the university. Holy eye of the storm, Batman! Hurricanes? The locals all made no big deal of it, so I guess your reaction to the significant weather in your region is all relative.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago the weather was really bad. We had lots of severe thunderstorms, which I love, and lots of tornado warnings, which I do not. In all, we had six tornado warnings in my county, one of which was predicted to come into town from the south side. Thankfully it did not happen. (and thankfully I live on the north side of town.) We had lots of rain and even hail. The weather knocked out my satellite communication, so I put in a movie and "watched" the weather on weather.com. It beeps every time a new alert is posted, so I was feeling pretty informed. I checked the alerts each time they went off and one made me laugh when I read it. The first alert listed below seemed totally normal to me. The second one made me laugh. You be the judge.

#1...STORM HAZARDS INCLUDE... QUARTER SIZE HAIL... DAMAGING WIND GUSTS TO 70 MPH...

#2...STORM HAZARDS INCLUDE... DAMAGING HEN EGG SIZE HAIL... WIND GUSTS TO 60 MPH...

I have certainly heard of pea size hail, nickel and dime size hail, baseball and grapefruit size hail too. I have never heard of egg size hail, let alone hen egg size hail. Is it more descriptive to say hen egg? I think they usually forecast this as "golf ball" size hail, not egg size. And is using the hen description really necessary? Will it cause panic if your report simply says "egg size" hail?

"Egg size! Oh my, how big is that! Does he mean a chicken egg or a fish egg? What if he means ostrich egg hail! Are we even safe indoors?"

Okay, that may be a stretch, but the weather alert did give me quite a laugh on a night when most of the alerts were doing the exact opposite. Thanks for the laughs Weather Channel!

The Gingerbread House

Since I left my parent's house in 1999, I have always rented. Be it apartment, house or duplex, I have never owned my own place. To tell you the truth, as much as I have moved over the last six years it does not make any sense to buy anyway. Renting seems to fit in better with the transient lifestyle I seem to lead. Mom refers to all of us kids as "gypsies" because we move around so much. Regardless of what we are, I know she is happy to have all of us off the payroll.

Have I mentioned how much I love living in Tahlequah. It will be a year this week since I moved here and lately I have been itching to buy a home and plant some roots, even if they end up being pretty shallow ones. I currently rent a duplex here in town and it is very nice. This is probably the nicest place I have lived since I left home. I have everything I need here, but would like to have a place to call my own.

I saw a "For Rent" sign at a two story house that is a stone's throw away from the back door of my store. For those of you who do not know, I am not a commuter. God bless the people who commute thirty minutes or more to work, but I am not one of them. I called on the rental and found out that it was not exactly what I was looking for to rent. However, it was available for sale and that immediately peaked my interest. Basically, it was two one bedroom one bath apartments. One was upstairs and one was down. They had recently been remodeled and were really cool. DeWayne, my assistant manager, and I were out to lunch when the realtor called so we both went to see it. In the end it did not work out, but some things were missing that I was not willing to live without, namely washer and dryer hookups. On a sidenote, the realtor made several comments about DeWayne and I being a couple while we were looking at the house. Both of us told her more than once that we worked together and that was as far as it went. This did not stop her from saying "this place would be great for you two" several times. Oh well. I guess that is why DeWayne opted out on seeing the house I went to see this last Thursday. I cannot blame him, I just like to have a second opinion.

That brings us to the Gingerbread House, which is the house that is pictured within this post. It is small efficiency that became available last week. The realtor told me that local people call this house the Gingerbread House. After the comments I made about DeWayne and I, I feel it needs to be clear that I did not give the house that name. Are we clear? Okay good. Anyway, the house is really cool. Perfect for someone like me who is looking to cut his rent and cut down on the amount of crap I possess. I am not saying that you might see me on the next episode of "Hoarders," but I could certainly reduce the amount of furniture, kitchen gadgets and knick-knacks I own. You would think that someone who moves as much as I do would learn to travel light. However, every time I move the company hires packers so I have yet to fully embrace the amount of junk I own. I imagine having to face up to what I own would be the real estate equivalent of waterboarding. Maybe I will tackle it before I move someday. Maybe not.

Back to the house. As you can see from the pictures, the place is really nice. The people who owned it completely remodeled it and had a new roof put on within the last year. It has a stackable washer and dryer included, which was the first thing I looked for when I walked in. The house itself is 468 square feet. It is on a corner lot across from the school. Are you ready for this? The place is being sold furnished! A new place and new furniture? I really would be getting rid of a lot of my stuff. What is the biggest selling point? It is selling for $39,950! Some people spend more than that on cars. I would love to own a house for that low price and would love even more to have a mortgage that low.

Their are definitely some drawbacks to this house. Their is no full size refrigerator, only a fridge that is a little bigger than the one I had in my dorm room my freshman year. Their is also no stove or oven. It is being sold with a dual hot plate, which is nice. No dishwasher either, but that is no big deal when you can hardly cook in your own kitchen.

To tell you the truth, I think I am just enamored with the idea of owning a home right now. Maybe I am not ready to buy? Maybe I am? I am just not sure. However, when a place is that nice and that cheap, it is hard to pass up. It works out to $83 a square foot, which I am told is a great deal.

I emailed the listing of this house to Mom and to my friend Donna in Arkansas, who is also in the market for a house. I sent the link for the house in the email and simply said, "what do you think?" Mom emailed back shortly and said, "Cute!" Donna's response was short too, but exponentially funnier! See below for Donna's response, which I may have shared with some of you already.

"Cute! If you're an elf. How the hell are you suppose to get in and out of bed? Climb over the little half wall? What in the name of Bilbo Baggins are you thinking?"

It's Complicated?

I watched It's Complicated for the first time tonight. Pretty good flick. For months I have heard people saying that the movie was hilarious and that I had to see it. It didn't live up to the months worth of hype, but what movie does? Needless to say, I enjoyed it.

Well the movie certainly lived up to its title. I know nothing is simple when it comes to divorce, but when you begin an affair with your ex-husband 10 years after your divorce and he is remarried with another child, saying "it's complicated" might be an understatement. The land of romantic comedies allows us to laugh along the way and also to learn a lesson. No one ever got really upset. No one ever got really hurt feelings. I think that's why we like romantic comedies. It may be a fresh story, but the formula is still the same. No matter how many plot twists their are, we still have a happy ending.

That being said, one thing about the movie really bugged me. At the climax of the movie, Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin are found out by their three children and Steve Martin, who Meryl had begun dating. Alec admits that he and Meryl have been seeing each other for a couple of weeks and that he hoped to get back together. All the kids look distressed and are crying a little. Alec does not understand this and asks why they are not happy about their parents getting back together. One of the daughters repsonds with a tearful, "We're still getting over the divorce." Seriously?

The story of the movie tells us that Alec and Meryl have been divorced for 10 years. The kids they have together range in age from 27-22. Really? No one is over this divorce? I realize divorce is hard, but is 10 years really not enough time to get over it? My parents are divorced and I am way over it! Sure it hurt at first. Sure it hurt later. And for those of you who know my Dad, he made sure it hurt for a long time after that, but you have to move on! Maybe it is different for me since my mom remarried two years later and my dad is no longer in the picture. I was just trying to put myself in the shoes of the kids in this movie. This may not be true for everyone, but I think I would be more upset about my parents getting back together than I ever was about them splitting up!

I know that their is an air of ignorance to the tone in this blog. Divorce is hard and sure it still bothers me sometimes. These days it is more of a fleeting thought though than a constant in my mind. I guess that's what bugged me about the movie. I just think it would have been funnier if the kids had a different response. Would that have been the natural response? Maybe. I'll never know. Divorce is not to be taken lightly, but in the case of this movie it can be a laughing matter. Nice to see that sometimes!

Cymbalta can help

Have you seen the commercials for the anti-depression drug Cymbalta? For some reason these commercials always make me laugh. They start out the commercials with a downtrodden tune that is probably the inner monologue for a person suffering from depression. If it wasn't, I imagine it is after they see the commercial. The questions are what get me laughing. They ask questions about how you feel about doing things when you are depressed and then they answer them. Several weeks ago I started answering the questions aloud in the saddest, most hopeless voice I could muster. The commercial usually asks three questions.

When you're depressed......

1. where do you want to go? Nowhere
2. who do you feel like seeing? No one
3. what do you feel like doing? Nothing

Did you read the questions out loud? Did you use a sad voice when you answered them? Did it make you laugh? I hope so. If not, what's wrong with you. "Nothing." I thought so, Cymbalta can help.

Disclaimer: This post is in no way making fun of depression or those suffering from depression. If this post offends you, please take a chill pill from your medicine cabinet and call me in the morning.

Community

I think I need to preface this blog by admitting that I watch way to much tv. You know it. I know it. That being said, is anyone watching Community? Last Thursday's episode was undoubtedly the funniest episode I have seen since the show started.

Community started off pretty slow in the fall. In fact, at one point I almost quit watching. As I sat down to watch the fifth or sixth episode last fall I told myself, "if this episode is no good, I'm not watching it anymore." I live alone, so anything I put in quotes is something I probably said out loud to myself. That's not sad, that's just how it is. Anyway, that particular episode delivered like Domino's and I have been enjoying the show ever since. It stars Joel McHale, who is always funny on The Soup. It also stars Chevy Chase, which is really why I wanted to watch the show in the first place. You would probably recognize several of the other people on the show if you watch, but I do not know any of their names. The Spanish professor is the guy who delivered the baby in Knocked Up and jumped naked out of the trunk of the car in The Hangover. He was also the king in Role Models. He is funny in everything, but I have no clue what his name is.

The show pretty much upholds every stereotype that you can think of when it comes to community college. They have traditional fresh out of high school students mixed with non traditional students of varying backgrounds and creeds. The seven main characters are are a rag-tag group of misfits that became friends after forming a study group for their Spanish class. Jeff is the leader. He used to be a lawyer, but when the Bar Association found out that his degree was a fake, he ended up in school trying to get back what he had. Brita is just getting her life in order and decided to go back to school. Chevy Chase's character, Pierce, is an eccentric older man who has made his fortune, but got bored and went to community college for something to do. Abed is a budding filmmaker and constantly references film and tv shows and how they pertain to the group. Shirley is a recently divorced mother of two taking some classes to finish the degree she never got. Annie and Troy are both fresh out of high school. Troy was the star athlete in high school, but has not been able to translate that to anything else. Annie was a star pupil but never had a lot of friends. If you're still reading this, I'm sure you can see how this group could be pretty funny.

Fast forward to last Thursday's episode. The semester is coming to an end soon and Abed is disappointed that the list he has compiled from college movies of quintessential first year college experiences is no where near complete. He ends up "pantsing" Troy so he can mark it off his list. Troy does the same to Abed, which also happened to be on his list. They are sort of the Laurel and Hardy of the bunch, so they took it upon themselves to finish as much of the list as they could this episode. Pierce pants' Shirley when she walks in the room to get in on the college prank action and it does not end well for him. She is mad at him for that, and in turn for everything else he has done to her that year. He is mad at her for ruining his joke. They all begin to voice grievances with him too. Brita takes offense that Pierce refers to her as a lesbian, even though she is not. Annie did not like that Pierce said she had a "crafty Jew brain." Abed did not like that Pierce thought he was a terrorist. They collectively decide to kick Pierce out of the group for what he did to Shirley and for what he has done to all of them.

They soon find out that Pierce was a scape goat for the group. Even though his "compliments" were not to their liking, they did not realize what a hard time they gave Pierce. They begin to turn on each other, calling each person they make fun of "The New Pierce." Brita pronounces bagel with a short a, as in BAGel. Annie constantly does a shocked "huh" response to most things. Annie claimed that Shirley was the most bigoted after Pierce. Shirley invited her to a "pool party" that was actually a baptism, knowing that Annie is Jewish. Her response was, "Well excuse me for trying to sneak you into heaven."

Jeff and Brita were dealing with their own problems. While sitting in the cafeteria at the beginning of the episode, three high school students lean over to them and say "can you let us know exactly what happened in your life to get you here so we do not make the same mistakes?" Then they start laughing and calling Jeff and Brita "Smitty," which Pierce quickly points out probably means "Loser." They go back and forth with the group of kids the whole episode, getting "owned" by them in one way or another. The episode culminates in the cafeteria, where Jeff and Brita are face to face with the group of teens. Jeff looks at Brita and says, "it's a matter of pride." He walks over to the group of kids. The lead teen says, "What are you looking at." Jeff responds with, "What are you looking at, duh." Lead teen comes back with "What are you looking at, duh, a-duhhhh." The girl teen says "school his ass Mark!" Brita runs up and says "School his ass Mark, duhhhh." This leads to the whole group yelling "duh" at each other while the whole cafeteria watches. The scene changes and the screen says "12 minutes later." They are still going at their "duh" fest, but Jeff and Brita have gotten tired and had to sit down. Pierce and Shirley, who made up, walk in. Pierce looks at Shirley and says "Why are Jeff and Brita making fun of those handicapped kids?" They realize what is going on and that Jeff and Brita really need to "win" this one. They walk over and pants the kids, which breaks their concentration. "You forgot to say duh! You're the Smitty's!" The kids got owned. They turned to leave. Abed is disappointed that they have had to create so many "quintessential" college moments and that they did not happen organically. Just then, Troy and Abed get hit in the head with pie that the high school kids threw as they were leaving the cafeteria. They look at each other and both yell "Food Fight," which causes a massive food fight and their first organic quintessential college experience.

If you are still reading this, I'm impressed. I thought it was funny, but I also have the show to reference. If you have not seen the show, this episode is a good one to start with. NBC.com and hulu.com both stream this show and more for free. You should check it out.

I tried to find a clip of the show to post, but was not successful. Below is the link to watch the show on hulu. Enjoy.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/144934/community-the-art-of-discourse#s-p1-sr-i0

Cupcakes

I have been meaning to blog about this for awhile, especially since Margaret, Dana and I shared some spirited emails about the topic. For those of you who know Dana, you know she LOVES cupcakes. For those of you who do not know Dana, she REALLY LOVES cupcakes.

Margaret sent the article below out to both of us to look at with a suggestion for Dana's entrepreneurial wish to open a cupcake shop. You should check out the article because it is actually pretty neat. Not enough time? That's okay. Keep reading because I am going to make fun of it!

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/food/man-up-gender-equality-for-the-cupcake-crowd-856468/

I read the article and thought it was pretty funny. It begs the question, "are cupcakes too cute for men to enjoy?" Butch's Bakery in NY thinks cupcakes in their current state are just that, but they are taking measures to make their "mancakes" an acceptable dessert for manly men. To quote the article, "Our objective is simple. We're men. Men who like cupcakes. Not the filly pink-frosted sprinkles-and-unicorns kind of cupcakes. We make manly cupcakes. For manly men." What's wrong with a pink cupcake. In my opinion, cupcakes are pretty girlie any way you slice it, but who cares? Frosting is frosting. The taste is what matters! Don't get me wrong, I looked at those cupcakes and frosting and immediately thought "get in my belly," but I do that with any cupcake. I have never considered myself a big cupcake connoisseur, but I do have a Pavlovian response to these delectable treats. Don't get a big head though cupcakes, I pretty much respond to any food that way.

Cupcakes for manly men. Is it just me or is that sort of a contradiction in terms? Do many men eat cupcakes? Of course they do. Is that what makes them manly? Of course not. Does a manly man feel less manly eating a pink cupcake? Maybe. Will that make them stop eating pink cupcakes? Definitely not. For that matter, baking has never been considered very manly. Have you thought about that Butch's Bakery? In keeping with the manly "Meat. Beer. Fire." attitude towards cooking, you would think these cupcakes would come off the grill with a nice bark and smoke ring, just like a good brisket. I'm not saying baking is girlie. I like to bake. But let's call a spade a spade and admit that baking does not top the list of manly ways to cook.

I would venture to say the biggest customer at Butch's Bakery will be women. Maybe they will be buying them for men, but perhaps the novelty of the cupcake will be the biggest draw. I went to Sprinkles cupcakes in Dallas with Dana last fall and bought some cupcakes to take home with me. They did not make it past the Oklahoma state line, but my intentions were good. Most of the people buying cupcakes were women, but it's not like men were not in line. I didn't feel emasculated in line. I wouldn't have even if I had been the only man in line. My focus was on the task at hand, namely, cupcakes. I bet that was the focus of everyone in line.

Mancakes? Seriously? Does that sound like a dirty word to anyone else? I file this word with other words that sound dirty regardless of whether they actually are. Need some examples? Fetish. Titillate. Rectory. Stimulate. Mancakes. Uranus. See, it fits right in! All of the words on this list sound dirty to me in any context and will probably illicit an inappropriate junior high laugh or at least a crooked smile.

What do you think? Do manly cupcakes make it more acceptable for a man to eat a cupcake, or do you think it even matters? They do have some great sounding cupcake flavors that I would love to try. Beer Run, Rum and Coke, Jackhammer and B-52 are just a few.

One last note. This bakery does not have a brick and mortar store. They are available by mail order only. How many men do you think will order confections to have delivered to their doorstep? I don't think I would. I would rather just go down the street for a pink cupcake. I hope they have some with unicorns on them..........

Food for my turtle

DeWayne and I went to lunch a few days ago at local place just down the street from the school called Town Branch Eatery. We were enjoying burger baskets when this kid walked in with a turtle in his hands. He walked right up to our waitress and said, "Do you have some food for my turtle?" The waitress said she had to check with her manager, even though she was clearing a half eaten burger and fries basket while speaking with him.

The manager came out and took one look at the kid and and the turtle and said "We don't have any free food. Get that turtle out of here." A little harsh? I thought so too. I thought it was funny. The kid turned around and walked out with his head down. Poor guy. We saw him put the turtle back in the creek that runs right by the restaurant, so it really was not his turtle. Nor was it a starving turtle, so do not worry about sending any donations. Then the kid skipped on down the road.

DeWayne and I were both laughing about it, but I could not help but wonder, why was he not in school?

Muster

I attended Muster this past Wednesday night in Tulsa. This was the first time I had gotten together with the A&M Club in Tulsa. They seem to be a pretty inactive club. I think their last get together was last September, so this was my first opportunity to get involved. Muster was at the Stokely Event Center, which was a place I had never been. It is in an area of Tulsa that is not all that attractive, but it is definitely a diamond in the ruff. The outside is deceiving. It is just a metal building that used to be an old sign shop. The man who owned it and rented it to our group used to have a sign business there with his father. They closed the shop a few years ago and hung up a bunch of their old signs just for fun. People they knew came by and admired the look and asked if they could rent it out. They refinished the floors, bought some tables and chairs and began renting it out for events a little over a year ago. The picture is from inside the building and it really does not do the whole place justice. It was really an awesome sight!

As I said, it was my first visit to the Tulsa A&M Club. I had yet to meet anyone from the club, so I was looking forward to getting to know some new people. Our muster speaker and backup speaker both fell through, so our program was a little short. One of the men who helped with Muster, Jim, stood up to say a few words and start the program. After welcoming us he quickly moved on to say that we have three open positions to fill within the club. We need a new president, treasurer and Muster chair. He addressed the floor for volunteers and nominations, going through each position. He probably stood up at the front for three or four minutes and got not one single nomination or even a raised hand. It was painfully silent! He finally gave up and said he would be available afterward in case we knew anyone that might be interested.

I have really wanted to get involved with an A&M group since I left College Station. The Las Vegas group is active now, but was just getting going about the time I left. The Corpus Christi group struggled the whole time I was there and never really seemed to get anything accomplished. And of course the Portales club was non existent because most Aggies no better than to live there. The closest club when I lived there was in Amarillo or Lubbock and they were still two hours away. Needless to say, I am ready to get involved! I decided to go talk to Jim after we were dismissed from Muster to see what I could help with. I told him that I did not live in Tulsa, but was in or near town at least every other week and that I would be happy to help with anything I could. He said they really needed to fill two positions immediately, which were president and treasurer. I said I would be happy to help with whatever I could. He asked me if I had a preference and I said no. His exact words were, " I think we just found our new president." I was shocked! I laughed and then figured it was time to go over and pay my dues. When I turned around he got on the microphone and said "I'd like to introduce you to our new club president, Cole Martin, Class of '03." It's official! Everyone started coming up and handing me business cards and offering to help. I really appreciated that, but where were they when Jim was looking for volunteers? Anyway, I am pretty excited about it! I was nervous until I realized that the group is not all that active. Sure it may be hard to get people out at first, but at least I will be able to exceed expectations and not try to fill the shoes of someone who was really on point. Besides, my first order of business will be monthly happy hours. I figure it makes sense to start with what you know.

Smart Car?

I've run into the man in this car a couple of times, but this is the first time I had a chance to snap a picture without being totally obvious. The first time I saw him was outside of the grocery store. DeWayne and I were ordering some food for a store meeting we were having. He spotted the car and we went over to check it out. The man who owns it came out while we were looking and started telling us all about it. This is what I remember from what he told us.

"It is road tested and approved. It is electric. It can go for four days before I have to recharge it. It is manufactured by Chrysler. It gave me a $6500 tax credit. It can be driven on the road and on the golf course. It is the perfect around town car to pick up groceries, go to church and go get my haircuts. It tops out at speeds of...........25 mph!"

Awww, shucks! You almost hooked me! Seriously? All other attributes aside, 25 mph? I don't think so. I don't think I have "a need for speed," but 25 mph as a top speed is too slow for me. I generally follow the posted speed limits, but I also treat them as guidelines and not laws. I only have one speeding ticket to date. (knock on wood) The reason your car only has to charge every four days is because a four wheeler can out run you. Perhaps even a ball on a steep incline!

My car can drive on the golf course too, it is just not a socially acceptable golfing vehicle. Perhaps this is not the selling point he thinks it is. And a $6500 tax credit? That's great, but to me that says you spent substantially more money than that to purchase this road worthy golf cart. I certainly have no right to judge anyone for how they spend their money, as I do own all 5 seasons of Pee-Wee's Playhouse, but any extra money that I can put aside for a new "toy" car will hopefully be used to buy a jeep wrangler. I can go get my haircut in that car too.

The gentleman was very nice and was obviously enthusiastic about his new car. I'm happy for him. He is enjoying his retirement and I am all for that. He and his wife can "Sunday drive" all over town for all I care. More power to him! I just hope I don't get stuck behind him in a 30 mph zone.

Elementary Education

Many of you know that my little brother Clay is working for Teach for America. We were both home this past weekend for Easter and he told us a hilarious story about a kid in one of his friend's 2nd grade classes. I cannot remember the exact names of the people involved, but we'll call the teacher Mr. Smith and the student Jamal. This teacher is married with a wife and a cat, which he apparently speaks more about in his class than he realizes. That will make more sense as you continue reading. Reading the conversation that took place below cannot really do this story justice. Clay added the hilarious, yet true, accent to the kids voice that does not translate well in the written form. I will do my best to repeat. I trust that those reading this blog can use their own accent.

Jamal: Hey Mr. Smith, I got a picture to show you.

Mr. Smith: Sure, let me see it.

Jamal: (describing the picture) That's me in my Escalade. You lying in the ditch with X's on your eyes cause I kilt you. Then I stole yo wife and yo cat.

Mr. Smith: (thinking this picture is hilarious) Jamal, can I keep this picture?

Jamal: Why, you gonna turn me in?

Mr. Smith: No, I'm going to hang it on my fridge.

Jamal: Yeah, it's good, ain't it.

The whole family laughed for several minutes when Clay told this story. It really is pretty priceless. I'm not sure which I think is funnier, the part about the wife and the cat, or the part about Jamal knowing the picture is "good." After years of hearing stories from my mother about elementary school students, I have decided that elementary education is where all the funny stories are! We have told Mom for years that she should be writing these stories down and someday write a book. Between Mom and Clay, both could probably write several volumes!

WIZARD!

This is a picture of a gift shop we passed three or four times a day while we were vacationing in Orlando. It became a thing for Brian or I to be the first to yell out "Wiiiizzzzaaaarrrrdddd!" I'm not really sure why this is funny, but it made us laugh harder and harder each time. In fact, it became a thing every time we saw a wizard hat, which is pretty common in Orlando. Gift shop.....wizard! Pointed hat...... wizard! Awkward pause in the conversation........wizard!

Orlando

I flew out to Orlando this past Friday for a few days vacation before my company's annual meeting which starts Tuesday. I have come early the past couple of years and stayed in Daytona Beach with a large group of other store managers. This year brought us a smaller group and a change of venue. Lauren, Brian, Dana and I are staying in a time share in Orlando courtesy of Lauren's mom. Thanks Diane!

Friday was more of an eventful day than originally intended. For starters, I missed my first flight out of Tulsa. I checked my itinerary twice before I went to bed Thursday night and my flight was scheduled to leave at 7:05 am. I got up at 4 and was out the door at 4:35. It takes an hour and fifteen minutes to get to the airport in Tulsa from Tahlequah. Factor in the walk from the parking lot and I was checking in a couple of minutes before 6 am. The automated machine was taking forever to check me in, so I had to get some help from the person at the counter. Am I the only one who hates those things? Why can I not just check in with the person behind the counter like we did in the good old days? Instead we have to check in with a computer while we listen to the attendants behind the counter talk about anything but me getting my bag checked. Turns out my itinerary was incorrect. It showed me leaving at 7:05, but my flight was supposed to land in Dallas at 7:05. Oops! Well, a few minutes and $50 later I was booked on a 7:20 flight that arrived at DFW at 8:30, which was still an hour before my flight to Orlando. Crisis averted! Then they weighed my bag and charged me the very reasonable price of $50 for having the gall to take some things with me on a vacation. 6:05 in the morning and I have already spent $100. Thank goodness for expense accounts!

The flight was fine and we landed early. I called Lauren when I landed and she was with Donna, another vacationing manager, at the Blue Mesa bar having drinks. It was now 8:35 in the morning and I was heading to the bar. Things were starting to look up! In the words of my sweet 6 year old cousin, "it was a bloody mary morning!"

The next flight was fine. We did not get to sit together, but that was really no big deal. I boarded in the last group with the girls and my seat was at the back of the plane. Their was only one seat at the back of the plane left. I was in the middle on the three seat side of the plane. I recognized the looks on the faces of the people I would be sitting next to as I walked down the aisle. You know which one I am talking about. You have an empty seat next to you on the plane and some pleasantly plump person is walking down the aisle toward you. You paste a sad smile on your face and think to yourself "please don't let them sit next to me!" Well, having thought that myself many times, I totally understand the feeling! As I sat down I looked at the people on each side of me and said "looks like we're gonna get cozy." In hindsight that may have not been the best choice of words since none of us spoke again. We flew as comfortably as you can fly while packed in like sardines in a metal tube going 250 miles per hour.

The four of us vacationing together all landed within an hour of each other. By the time Brian got to baggage claim we had already picked up our rental car. We had our choice of several cars. I really wanted the Jeep Wranger, but the metric ton of luggage we had between the four of us would not allow that. We drove off in a Ford Edge, which is actually pretty roomy.

We got to the time share and checked in. This place is super nice! We then went in search of lunch. We decided Margaritaville was the place to go. We headed down to the Universal City Walk. We sat down at Margaritaville and immediately ordered margaritas. The girls had some fruity margaritas and Brian and I had what the menu called "The Perfect Margarita." They were pretty light in color when they were delivered. The reason they were so light was that they were almost pure tequila. I think they squeezed some lime in to color things a bit, but this was hands down the strongest margarita I have ever had. If we trace back the timeline of that night, "The Perfect Margarita" would be the tipping point. We got back to the house and had a few drinks and relaxed for a while. We then decided to go to the grocery store to get snacks and breakfast food. We left with alcohol and soda, but no food. The Publix grocery store we visited was in a strip mall with several other businesses. Sakura Sushi bar was next door. I was dying to have some sushi while we were here because sushi in Oklahoma is sold at a bait store. So we all went in for dinner. Two beers each and several sushi rolls later, I was telling the waitresses that "this is the best sushi I have ever had! Seriously, the best!" I think it was time to go home.

Several drinks later at home it was time to call it a night! We got up the next morning and went to Shoney's for breakfast. Shoney's! I have not been to one since I was in elementary school! The breakfast buffet was great, but the people watching was even better. Characters were certainly welcome. You know, I sometimes wonder as I watch and privately judge people in the mall or a restaurant what they are privately judging me for? Probably awesomeness. Definitely awesomeness. I did hold myself to one plate at the buffet, so at least no one was judging me for that. And before you say it, my one plate was not piled high! It was an average buffet haul with a side bowl of grits. I had to have some grits!

Back to the house for some March Madness games! At that point my bracket was doing pretty good. After the first round I had 24 out of 32 games correct, so I was feeling pretty good about myself. Then the second round started. Not feeling so hot now! I joined an office pool within Barnes & Noble, so I could potentially win over $600 if I come in first place. At this point, I feel like I might be a bigger contender for last place. At least in last place you get your $10 buy in refunded. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Dana scored us some free tickets to the Astros vs. Yankees exhibition game. We headed down there for some baseball, hot dogs and beers. We were disappointed to have "standing room only" tickets, but beggars can't be choosers. We really did have a good time though. The game was good and the weather was even better. Low 70's with a breeze and no humidity. Who could ask for more. We were getting 4-6 inches of snow at home, so I was pretty happy with the current climate!

I will try to keep the blog updated with some new posts throughout the week. You have to pay for internet at the convention center. Again, thank goodness for expense accounts.